Which Way Do I Go?

For a few weeks know I have been struggling with the concept of being able to support myself with my art work. I haven't sold much lately even with two gallery shows. In addition, many who had doubts about my decision be focus on art as a living have been more vocal lately, spurring me to second guess myself. I often read in blogs and advice for artist websites the suggestion of not quiting your day job. Well I did, six month ago. All together has lead me to where I am now, wondering if I can make a living at this. I have self doubt.

When I first quit my corporate job, I was very gunho and full of optimism. I could paint the next masterpiece and conquer the world. So when the naysayers came knocking I could block their negative ideas or ignore them altogether. I could build myself up. Over time however, my resolve has weakened. I'm getting hit harder and more frequently by the naysayers. There are cracks in my force field. Plus I can only seem to pull myself up so high now. Not as high and strong as I was before. I'm feeling more pragmatic, or at least that how I am rationalizing my second guessing.

So here is my dilemma. On one hand, I know some just don't get it. They don't understand what I want or what I am trying to do. That is okay. They don't have to. As an artist, one of my jobs is to stretch myself and others. Change is hard to accept and often initially ridiculed, especially if it is visionary or radical. I see my purpose to help others see things differently. Some don't want to see things differently. I can work around them.

On the other hand, we live in a highly materialist society. Money rules. I am finding it hard to separate myself from this. I lived in this world for so long and I have a standard of living that I am accustomed to that I want to maintain. Therefore, I want a certain amount of money to make that happen. My art isn't supplying this at the moment. I can make the money I want if I sacrifice some of the time I have dedicated to my art and put it back into the corporate agenda. Part of me sees this as selling out. Part of me sees it as failing at being an artist. And part of me tells me I need more time to develop my craft and I should be will to do whatever it takes to make it happen, even if that means temporarily going back into a corporate life.

So, here I am. I have some doubt and some confusion on the best route forward. I know that I must stay the course to make my dream of being a self supporting working artist a reality. Creating art and showing it to others makes me happy. There may be some detours. There may be some wrong turns. I may even have to back track now and then. I guess, ultimately, it is a question of how badly I want this and am I willing to do the work to make it happen. If I can remain focus on my goal, I hope that I can stay true to the goal in spite of the naysayers and my own second guessing. If I stay true, the money will come.

Naysayers Beware

So, I have the great opportunity to have my work exhibited at two galleries in Chicago at the same time. This is a first for me. I am very excited about it. One show came so fast that I spent most of the week preparing and didn't have enough time to send out a press release or email announcement. Two shows, who could have imagined? I didn't. I love the idea. How cool!

But even with the attention that I am getting, the shows, the positive reactions to my new work, I am still taken back by those naysayers I run into. Trust me, I can find enough reasons on my own for why leaving a good paying corporate job to pursue art was a bad idea. I don't need any help there. But, I have managed to talk myself into believe that this is possible. I can go against the tide and live my dream life. And then I run into a naysayer. Those folks who have doubt in their voice along with the half ass words of encouragement. They are out there, everywhere, often in places where I least expect it.

It happened to me this afternoon. I ran into someone whom I thought would be supportive but was in reality a naysayer. I concluded today that there are a few ways I can handle the negativity I receive from this people. One way is I can take it to heart, agree with them, doubt what I am doing and attempting to do, give up and return to the rat race. (Hint: It is called a rat race for a reason. Does it sound good to you?) Another way is to feel sorry for them. I can imagine them scared and/or jealous individuals looking to take down others around them. I prefer, however, to take their comments of doom and gloom, of failure and disappointment, and leverage it to push me forward. Everyone thought Columbus was crazy. No one believed in the Wright Brothers. Men on the Moon? Impossible. (Impossible is Nothing, by the way) Honestly, why would I listen to anyone who tells me I can't do something. They don't know what I can or can't do. And if I'm completely honest, although I may know what I have done, I don't know what I am capable of doing either. But I have a better chance of realizing it than they do. Or put another way, instead of someone else defining what kind of life I will lead, I will do the defining. I will do the exploring and experimenting. And whatever I do, I realize I can do more that I ever thought possible.

Maybe it is a little rebellious but frankly I don't care. When someone tells me I can't do something that I want to do without any reason or basis in fact, I will try to prove them wrong. So, am I a successful artist already? I think so. I create art. I have enough to eat and a nice place to live. And, most importantly, I'm happy. Thank you for the push this afternoon.