Ingredients to a Healthy Relationship

I read the following ingredients to a healthy relationship by K. Wordbird Bate that I would pass along.


Some Healthy Relationship Ingredients

Trust: I am willing to allow trustworthy others to gain access to who I am.

Respect: I treat others as valuable. I use a respectful tone and words.

Honesty: I don’t keep secrets, or play games with the truth.

Consideration: I stay mindful of the other person’s needs and feelings.

Acceptance: I feel good about who I am. I see others as okay.

Integrity: I know my values, and I maintain them.

Understanding: I communicate so I am understood. I empathize and listen to others.

Boundaries: I can say, “no,” take some space, have some privacy, ask not to be touched, and make my own decisions. I allow this to others.

Self-Awareness: I stay in touch with what I know, need, want and feel.

Communication: I can talk freely about important issues.

Commitment: I am able to work through discomfort and hard times. I can rely on myself to do what I say I am going to do.

Self-Responsibility: I take charge of my own goals and needs. I don’t expect others to fufill me, make choices for me, do what I should be doing, or answer all my needs.

Maturity: I interact, express and react as a grown person. I don’t fall apart, have tantrums, give the silent treatment, abandon others, act in spite, or call people names.

Equality: I’m a sharing, equal partner. Neither Taker nor Giver.

Directness: I can say clearly and warmly what’s going on for me. . I’m not sarcastic or sideways. I don’t manipulate, confuse or maneuver others.

Change: I allow myself to change and grow. I don’t sabotage change in myself or others.

Touch: I am able to give and accept affection and support through touch.

Emotion: I allow myself the full range of emotions, and express respectfully. I allow others their emotional expression, if it’s respectful of me.

Affirmations

I came across these affirmations from K. Wordbird Bate that I thought were worth passing on.

Affirmations: Choose a couple of these, and say and think them often to reinforce the message:


I congratulate me on the person I am; and the person I am becoming.

By accepting myself, I reflect light on all those around me.

I accept the people I love as they are right now.

I allow myself to absorb love and acceptance from others.

I am worthy of forgiveness. I love and forgive myself.

I trust that others know best how to live their lives.

I speak to others the way I would want them to speak to me.

I have the right to laugh and feel happy.

I open myself to receive all good things!

Man Cannot Live on Art Alone

I've been struggling the past month or so in finding inspiration and motivation to paint. Some days I force myself, other days I simple don't do it. I feel guilty. I try to rationalize it. If I don't feel it, I don't feel it. I also was blaming the economy. Little has sold this year so why bother. But I have to remind myself that I don't paint to sell, although that would be great. I paint because I have a creative urge that must be satisfied.

During this time period of slow creativity, I also realized that art alone was not satisfying my analytical side. I want more than art. So, I am relaunching my consulting practice that was very successful several years ago to do in conjunction with art. It will take some time away from the art but in the end, I believe my art will have more energy and life in it. Of course, time will tell.

In the meantime, my day is not split between art and consulting. Both businesses are in its infancy and a lot of work lays ahead. I am trying to break things down into workable pieces so as not become overwhelmed. I have had a tendency in the past to take on big projects, expect too much too soon and then become disappointed and drop everything when reality shows my expectations to be unrealistic. Patience and planning are definitely virtues. I'm learning that.

Creative and Clean

This past week I was experimenting with the latest recommendation from Bruce Mau's "Incomplete Manifesto for Growth" which states "Don’t clean your desk. You might find something in the morning that you can’t see tonight."

A few years ago, I would have supported this recommendation 100%. My desk in corporate life was notorious. Piles everywhere to the point I wondered how I could find space to work. I even had piles of paper and folders on the floor under my desk and behind me. It gave me a false sense of security, as if I had accomplished something. I had piles and piles of paper to show I was "doing" something. In reality, I was only killing trees. In my last corporate position, at the Division's annual holiday party, I won an "award" for the messiest desk. Not one of my proud moments.

So now I come across a suggestion that encourages me not to clean up. I was baffled at first. I have since began cleaning up and keeping a cleaner work space so this idea hit me as regression. I concluded that although the intent is correct, the approach misses the mark. The issue isn't about cleaning a desk. The issue is about allowing myself to be open day in and day out, to see things differently today than I did yesterday. To experience things new and thus give me a new perspective and possibly a new direction.

I can do this with a clean desk. This is an attitude change. A messy desk in the end causes more angst and time consuming anxiety and allowing for a new and opening experience. So, I'm going to continue to clean up every night. But in the morning, I'm starting each day as if it were the first day of the project. And yes, I may just see something I didn't notice the night before.

This week I will be looking at "Don’t enter awards competitions. Just don’t. It’s not good for you."

To Err is Human

This past week I was reviewing the latest recommendation from Bruce Mau's "Incomplete Manifesto for Growth" which reads "Avoid software. The problem with software is that everyone has it."

To be honest, I didn't paint or do anything creative last week at all. I didn't feel inspired. Nonetheless, a few ideas came to mind of approaches to take when my creativity returns and all were free of external "influences".

There are a few points I want to make regarding this recommendation. First, even if your creation is original, someone else could eventually copy it. Or you can copy someone else's work. Because it is reproducible mechanically, someone will reproduce it. The work will lose its its originality and uniqueness. The second point, and the more important I believe, is that a creation made with software, albeit different and/or original, lacks soul. It lacks the human element, the human touch. The imperfection that makes the artist special in the first place.

Imperfection is what makes art so perfect. It captures that very element that makes us human and shows it to the world. It also allows for perfection beyond our comprehension. Time to get our hands dirty and turn off the computer. Be human.

Next week, I will write about "Don’t clean your desk. You might find something in the morning that you can’t see tonight."

Standing on Shoulders

Last week I examined the 23rd recommendation from Bruce Mau's "Incomplete Manifesto for Growth" which states "Stand on someone’s shoulders. You can travel farther carried on the accomplishments of those who came before you. And the view is so much better."

I ended up interpreting this as there is no need to reinvent the wheel. Not only is it okay to used what others have developed or discovered, it is to my advantage. I can build on it and thus produce something complete new and original. Plus I don't have to spend the time and energy learning and making the mistakes someone has already done. I can learn from others and then make brand new mistakes. Not repeat someone else's.

I also saw this as a sign to ask for help when needed. As the saying goes "two heads are better than one", help can push my results closer to my dreams further and faster than if I attempted to do so on my own. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength. It shows that I am aware of the task at hand and my abilities and in order to achieve the task I have to add to my resources. In addition, I have found over the years, asking people for help not only makes others feel needed and useful, but it give them a sense of ownership in my task. They are more interested in what I do. They are more invested in what I do. They become more invested in me. It helps build a sense of community. Likewise, I soon discover that their goals are often related to my own. Thus working together we can "kill two birds with one stone."

There is no need to go it alone. Ask for help. Build on what came before. Include others. Move forward. It all helps in creating positive momentum.

This week I will look at "Avoid software. The problem with software is that everyone has it."