Now vs Ideals

This week I experienced a roller coaster of emotions which resulted in a roller coaster in activity and creativity levels. Emotionally, I was higher than high and a day a two, rather down and blue. As one would expect, my activity level was higher when I was in a good mood up to a point. When I was in a super good mood, my activity level nose dived even though my energy was high. I was unable to focus and concentrate on any one thing for a duration of time. Likewise, when I was down, my activity level was still good until I started to feel myself slip into a more sad state. Then again, my activity level crashed.

So during extreme states, activity was not present regardless of my level of energy. However, in these extreme states, my creativity soared. Idea after idea, image after image came to me. It was as if I could tap the "flow" easier when I was experiencing raw emotional states no matter what the emotion was. That was interesting but didn't really surprise me. The surprising part is the images and ideas I received were not reflective of my emotional state at the time. I didn't necessarily receive happy images when I was happy, nor sad images when I was sad. The ideas I had seemed to reflect my feelings toward something, not my mood in general. Fortunately, I was able to remember and be inspired by most of the ideas. I didn't lose many of them going about my day to day activities.

I was going to say that now my problem is having enough time to create the ideas that have/do come to me. That isn't completely true. I have more time than I utilize. My stumbling block is starting, and continuing to work on them. Starting in particular is the hard part. I have a fear that I won't be able to create or do justice to the idea. Instead of using the idea as a starting point, a source of inspiration, I often look up to the idea as the art itself. It isn't. It is only and idea. I compare my creations to the ideas in my head. And if my creation falls short, and is most likely would since the ideas are just that, ideas, I become critical and judgemental. I put myself down as well. And hence, I'm resistant to begin.

I have another fear before I begin. A completely irrational one. I might actually create what I am imagining or create something even better. Then what? I have to do it again, and then again. I put tons of pressure on myself on the final product before I even begin. These fears linked to beginning a project are real and yet useless. I'm focusing on what it can be, could be, should be, might be, instead of focusing on the moment and what it is. Once I catch myself "obsessing" on the future, an imaginary future at that, I can at times bring myself back. Once I do, my level of activity increases. I have to be vigilant. I drift off often and then have to bring myself back. The concept of suspending judgement I find is a good tool to indicate when I'm drifting. If I'm judging, I'm comparing.

The less I compare, the more I tend to live in the moment, albeit if only for seconds or minutes at a time. The more I'm in the moment, the more the ideas come even when my emotions are all over the board.

A Stream of Ideas

This past week (I start many of my blogs this way), I was focus on integrating "Harvest ideas. Edit applications. Ideas need a dynamic, fluid, generous environment to sustain life. Applications, on the other hand, benefit from critical rigor. Produce a high ratio of ideas to applications," from Bruce Mau's "Incomplete Manifesto for Growth." I found this to be an interesting exercise that I suspect and hope that I will continue going forward.

I interpreted this suggestion as a focus on unadulterated, unedited ideas. Allow the ideas to flow, whatever they may be and look for applications later. The result is cool. I initially had to "turn off" my editing or judgement filter when an idea randomly entered my mind AND I was aware of it. I'm sure that many other ideas came and went either do to not being aware I was given an idea or I was unaware that my filter was still actively working. Overtime however, I began to question "the filter." The filter was often based on old, untrue prejudices or notions and beliefs that I heard from someone else. The filter was also at times based in fear of change. But, more than anything, I became aware of "the filter."

Once I realized that when I received an idea and the voice in my head kicking in nearly instantaneously afterwards was actually my filter, I could ignore the filter. I couldn't turn it off, but I can acknowledge it and ignore it. Then I was left with the raw idea. I had/have many of them each day. I began to brainstorm and actively participate in free association whenever my mind wasn't otherwise occupied, even for a split second. It feels like I found a radio channel that continuously streams ideas and all I needed was tune my receiver to the correct frequency to catch them. It feels strange and natural at the same time. I am NOT use to this yet. I think there is much, much more here to explore.

So, while I notice the stream of ideas, I try to capture a few. I make a mental note or write them down. After a few days, I reviewed the ideas. I have many more ideas, good and practical ideas than I did before. And most of the ideas, as raw as they may be, need little or no adjustment to make them realistic, to make them real. Most of the adjustments were to focus the ideas on specific projects or desires that I have. I believe the raw ideas would probably work just fine.

My advice: notice "the filter", allow the ideas to flow, take note and review later. The ideas may be very quiet and come in unexpected times, but they are there for the picking.

This week I will review "Keep moving. The market and its operations have a tendency to reinforce success. Resist it. Allow failure and migration to be part of your practice."