Naysayers Beware

So, I have the great opportunity to have my work exhibited at two galleries in Chicago at the same time. This is a first for me. I am very excited about it. One show came so fast that I spent most of the week preparing and didn't have enough time to send out a press release or email announcement. Two shows, who could have imagined? I didn't. I love the idea. How cool!

But even with the attention that I am getting, the shows, the positive reactions to my new work, I am still taken back by those naysayers I run into. Trust me, I can find enough reasons on my own for why leaving a good paying corporate job to pursue art was a bad idea. I don't need any help there. But, I have managed to talk myself into believe that this is possible. I can go against the tide and live my dream life. And then I run into a naysayer. Those folks who have doubt in their voice along with the half ass words of encouragement. They are out there, everywhere, often in places where I least expect it.

It happened to me this afternoon. I ran into someone whom I thought would be supportive but was in reality a naysayer. I concluded today that there are a few ways I can handle the negativity I receive from this people. One way is I can take it to heart, agree with them, doubt what I am doing and attempting to do, give up and return to the rat race. (Hint: It is called a rat race for a reason. Does it sound good to you?) Another way is to feel sorry for them. I can imagine them scared and/or jealous individuals looking to take down others around them. I prefer, however, to take their comments of doom and gloom, of failure and disappointment, and leverage it to push me forward. Everyone thought Columbus was crazy. No one believed in the Wright Brothers. Men on the Moon? Impossible. (Impossible is Nothing, by the way) Honestly, why would I listen to anyone who tells me I can't do something. They don't know what I can or can't do. And if I'm completely honest, although I may know what I have done, I don't know what I am capable of doing either. But I have a better chance of realizing it than they do. Or put another way, instead of someone else defining what kind of life I will lead, I will do the defining. I will do the exploring and experimenting. And whatever I do, I realize I can do more that I ever thought possible.

Maybe it is a little rebellious but frankly I don't care. When someone tells me I can't do something that I want to do without any reason or basis in fact, I will try to prove them wrong. So, am I a successful artist already? I think so. I create art. I have enough to eat and a nice place to live. And, most importantly, I'm happy. Thank you for the push this afternoon.

Taking a Chance

On a lark, I sent an email late last week to a gallery I knew. I hadn't shown my stuff there before mainly because I hadn't tried to. I didn't believe my work was of the caliber that is normally shown there. But last week I was on a roll sending out submissions for agents and art consultants and I received and email from the gallery announcing their new location. So, since I was in the moment, I sent a simple email, almost timid, asking if they may possibly be interested in reviewing my work for possible inclusion in a group show in the future. I was expecting not to hear or receive the typical cold and demeaning negative response that I have received very often in the past.

I received a phone call the very next day.

They reviewed my portfolio on my web site and liked several of my pieces. They asked me to come in, look at the new space and bring a few pieces for them to look at. I approached it as an interview. I was excited, nervous and grateful for the opportunity. I also began questioning myself. Who did I think I was attempting to pull off two exhibitions in one month? My answer was, I don't know but I won't sell if no one never sees my work. Plus I didn't have the show yet. In addition, I was prepared to receive criticism from the artist who owned the gallery. He knew and worked with one of the most known artist of the 20th century. I tried to stay positive and took three recent pieces that I was proud of.

I was greeted warmly at the door and the artist and the curator remembered me from a brief meeting years ago. Their curiosity got to them and they had to look at my work. They liked it. All of it. I showed them my portfolio book and they liked all by one series. Incredible! I started feeling more comfortable and began discussing some of my apprehensions about exhibiting in general. All were brushed aside. They genuinely liked my work. I was is shock. It was in the moment I realized that my lack in confidence in myself because I wasn't "properly schooled" in art was holding me back. I may not know terms or jargon, but I can create art that at a minimum catch a person's eye and at most make an impact. I think that is a good range for me to exist in.

The moral of the story, I am the limiting factor to achieving what I want. The world doesn't have it out for me. People are not throwing up roadblocks. If I do what I want to do, in my case create art, and do it honestly and with all my heart, and then work hard to show the world what I have done, people will take notice. Not all people, but enough.

It has been a stressful week, an exciting week, with lots of running around, scheduling and balancing. I thrive on this energy. The stakes just got higher this week thanks to the mere fact I took a small chance. I received in return a big payback.

Oh, by the way, I'm in the show. It starts in two days. My work is in two exhibits in September. I'm very proud (and a bit stunned).

Everyone is a Leader

This past week, I was focused on "Everyone is a leader. Growth happens. Whenever it does, allow it to emerge. Learn to follow when it makes sense. Let anyone lead." from the Incomplete Manifesto for Growth by Bruce Mau.

I agree with this idea and support it wholeheartedly, even if I don't do it myself. I did not have an opportunity to experience this in a creative capacity directly this week. I did try to follow others as well as lead in other areas of my life. I think the impact is just as great. I noticed, however, that there are two types of people. One group leads when needed or when given the opportunity. They enjoy leading and are comfortable in the role. Others, not so much.

This second group, the let-me-follow group I find interesting. For whatever reason, members of this group would prefer nothing to occur and allow the group to dissipate than step forward and lead. I conducted a few experiments with groups of people where I normally take the lead. I quietly stepped aside. No one stepped forward. So I continueed and kept my mouth shut and remained action less. No one stepped forward. No ideas were offered. The looming resulting was separation of the group and, although that was not the desired outcome, the group was racing to the inevitable state. I finally made a few suggestions which were well received and then I decided which of the suggestions we would do. Of course, thanks to my years in corporate America, I made it looked like a group decision but the decision was mine. I'm not comfortable being seen in the role of dictator although I feel I play the role often.

The group I was with are accomplished people that I suspect, in their element, can take charge. For some, I do believe that allowing others step ahead is a combination of things, everything from fear, insecurity, passive aggressive behavior, indecisiveness, apathy and many others. All of these we all suffer from at times so this should be of no surprise. Ironically, it is when you step out of your comfort zone and take the risk when creativity and changes occur. I long for the day when I can witness someone from the let-me-follow group take a stand and lead. I suspect that I am in for a treat, a direction that I would not have come up with myself. We are all leaders. We are all followers. Influence comes from all directions. Influence and allow yourself to be influenced. That means, lead and follow. There is room for both.

Maybe someday, American politicians will follow this notion.

This week I will be exploring the concept of "Harvest ideas. Edit applications. Ideas need a dynamic, fluid, generous environment to sustain life. Applications, on the other hand, benefit from critical rigor. Produce a high ratio of ideas to applications."

Oh, by the way, Impossible is Nothing.

Begin Anywhere

This past week, the suggestion from Bruce Mau's "Incomplete Manifesto for Growth" was "Begin anywhere. John Cage tells us that not knowing where to begin is a common form of paralysis. His advice: begin anywhere." This sounds much easier that it was.

When I consulted, we had a phrase "paralysis by analysis" referring to projects and managers that need more and more information before a decision can be made. I see "begin anywhere" as very similar. I can think about starting. I can think about doing. I can even think about the end state or goal. But all that time, I'm only thinking. I'm not doing. I'm not moving. I strongly believe that moving, however fast or slow, no matter the direction is ultimately better and more productive than thinking, planning, and analyzing. With movement comes momentum.

The other aspect that occurred to me is that since everything is a process (I've talked about that before) and the focus is on the process not the goal (also discussed previously), the process is already in progress, even if we haven't jumped in yet. To put it another way, just start. There is no beginning or starting point. There is no goal or finish line. Those are artificial ideas we dream up. It is sort of like running to catch a moving train. I'm here and the train is approaching. Where is the starting point? Where I am? Where the train originated? Do I need to go to where the train started and wait for the next train? No. Start running and jump on when the meets up with you. So the next inevitable question is, where is the train going? Where do I jump off? My question in response, does it matter? I'm moving. I'm doing. I can jump on and off at my pleasure. And just because I jump off does not mean I'm at the end.

So the moral of the story, as Nike so nicely put it, Just do it. Go. Start today. Move. Make something happen. Watch how things, especially you, will change as a result.

This week I will be investigating "Everyone is a leader. Growth happens. Whenever it does, allow it to emerge. Learn to follow when it makes sense. Let anyone lead."

Wandering Aimlessly Is Encouraged

This past week's assignment from Bruce Mau's "Incomplete Manifesto for Growth" focused on drifting. It reads, "Drift. Allow yourself to wander aimlessly. Explore adjacencies. Lack judgment. Postpone criticism." It sounds much easier than it is. In fact, this may have been the most challenging for me to date.

I'm not sure where the challenge for me originates but two of the concepts in particular, namely "wander aimlessly" and "postpone criticism" were the hardest. I understand completely that in order to wander aimlessly, criticism needs to be suspended. Otherwise, I could not wander. The idea of suspending judgement and criticism has appear before in the Manifesto but this time is the coupling with wandering, or as I interpreted it, exploring, presented the hurdle.

It feels like this is the next step is reducing or de-emphasizing judgement. Before, the idea was do what you do and don't judge it until the end. Then, don't judge it at all, just do what you do. Now it has evolved to do something new that isn't what you do just for the sake of doing something new that isn't what you normally would do. And do it randomly, without looking for a benefit. Doing something new, something random is its own benefit. Intellectually, I completely understand. Emotionally however, is a different story.

I saw myself questioning the validity of doing the new, aimless adventure. I was analyzing what I could get out of it. I was judging it while I was doing it. I will keep practicing trying to wander aimlessly. I can see the purpose, which are many: exposure to new things or processes; discover hidden treasures in the world, others and myself; break from convention; discover my true passions; discover my true dislikes; and the potential to flip my life upside down. I think it all goes back to doing is its own merit and reward. The question is, how do I forgo judging and criticizing. I will have to get back to you on that. Right now, I don't know. Overall, I like the idea of temporarily getting off the path and seeing what lie just over the hill. Maybe something shiny.

This week's suggestion appears to be linked to last week, "Begin anywhere. John Cage tells us that not knowing where to begin is a common form of paralysis. His advice: begin anywhere."

What Is My Style?

I've been working on several paintings for the past several weeks. Some days I work on them, some I don't. Today, I returned to two of them, both are very different is styles but similar in theme. Both are part of a series of self portraits but I am also challenging the traditional notion of a self portrait at the same time. It was by releasing myself from the traditional definition that I was able to begin the series. Prior to that, I was frozen and unable to move.

I also noticed that in doing self portraits, I am creating snapshots of how I feel and how I see myself at any given time. It has forced be to be introspective and on occasion, I don't want to be. On those days, I am unable to work on the self portraits. Beside having to examine and face my emotional and physical self, I am also trying to find my style at the same time. This is something I have written about before, the elusive personal style.

I have had the opportunity during the past month to see works of artists that, for whatever reason, captured my attention. I began to notice similarities in their styles and color palettes. There is something about the similarities that draws me but I haven't figured out why as of yet. I have an urge or desire to follow their lead and build off of what I find enticing. But I'm not sure where to begin, technically speaking. So, for the time being, I will continue to admire and ponder these artists, Robert Carbonell being one, and wait for the muse to tap my should and tell me it is time to begin.

In the meantime, I will continue to work on my portraits, playing, experimenting and reflecting and watch my style change over time. I get frustrated at times not having one signature style but on the other hand, right now I have several styles. My wish is that one of the styles that I enjoy to create begins to mature and evolve to a higher level of expression.

Impossible is Nothing

My good friend Nancy is in China for the Olympics which start later this week. Fortunately, I am on her email list reporting back on her Chinese adventures. She mentioned in today's email a number of billboards for Adidas in Shanghai with the phrase "Impossible is Nothing." I had to look it up. (How did we live without Google?)

I really like this idea, reversing the common phrase of nothing is impossible. The new order, to me, gives a sense of importance and possibility to attempting the unthinkable. I get the feeling that all is trivial, mind over matter. If I don't mind, it doesn't matter. I'm sure I can throw a few more cliches out there but the idea is pretty clear.

It is a shame however that we, as a public, get our best inspiration for personal or group achievement from marketing companies working to promote sporting goods. I would hope that this type of motivation would come from the social institutions that I would historically look to for guidance, namely, governments & politicians, churches and religious leaders and even in some cases, upper management of the companies we work for. And yet, I haven't seen it. Those organizations that claim to be leaders or want to lead don't do so. Yes, I admit I am burned out from the seemingly endless US presidential election (the process is TOO long) with mind numbing catch phrases that have no or little substance. Change, please. Every 4 years I hear change. How about "Impossible is nothing?" Or "Make Love, Not War." Or "Just Do It." Where is the rally cry?

Say what you want about marketing companies but a few have figured out how to motivate people to push forward. If only our political and religious leaders could do the same. Imagine what kind of world we would have if our leaders actually led. That may be impossible but then again, impossible is nothing.

Study in the Studio

This past week I was trying to incorporate "Study. A studio is a place of study. Use the necessity of production as an excuse to study. Everyone will benefit," another suggestion from Bruce Mau's "Incomplete Manifesto for Growth." At first, and for most of the week, I had no idea what this was about, what it meant, what it was leading to or how to apply it. That all changed this morning.

This morning during my daily painting time (I set aside several hours everyday to paint regardless of what else is going on that day) I was trying to determine what I was going to work on and how to approach it. Over the past several weeks, mainly due to several fortuitous accidents, I have developed another process yielding a twist in my style. But the process is still immature but is still showing a lot of potential. That being said, I wanted to try the process again with a few minor changes and see what would happen. More experimentation.

That's when it hit me. With each experiment I conducted, I was looking for the similarities and differences between the previous works and the current one using the same or similar process. I was "studying" the results, that is to say, I was noting how changing the process affected the final work. I was hung up on my definition of studying from school which was nothing more the repitition and memorization. Studying is more. It is exploration, examination, experimentation, documentation and playing.

Like many of the previous suggestions from the "Incomplete Manifesto" I explored, I think there is a necessity to suspend current prejudice and eliminate (or at least reduce) the my propensity to focus on the final outcome. If I look to the end, I miss the differences and the similarities. I am unable to study. It makes me question my education where I spent my time cramming just to receive a good grade. Learning was not part of studying past. Achievement was. Achievement is not studying.

As a result of this morning, I have started a notebook where I am documenting my observations of working with resin. It reminds me of my lab book in graduate school. In fact, now I see my studio as a laboratory, not a place of production.

The other benefit that I notice is that again, this helps pull me back into living the moment and not focus on the future. I'm beginning to see the pattern in the "Incomplete Manifesto." I'll have to study it further.

This week, I will be examining the next suggestion which is "Drift. Allow yourself to wander aimlessly. Explore adjacencies. Lack judgment. Postpone criticism."

73 Things To Do

My neighbor across the alley had a party on their patio last night until 2am. One of the women had one of those voices that can be heard across town even when she uses her "indoor voice." That is to say, they were loud. I'm sluggish and tired today as a result. I need my 7.5-8 hours of sleep a night. Given how slow I'm working it may be beneficial for me to take a nap and then get back to work. I use to do it when I worked a corporate job. Well, I napped with my eyes open so it isn't quite like sleeping, more like suspended animation.

I didn't paint today. I've been doing a lot of odds and ends that just never seem to get done. Not a whole lot of enjoyment or satisfaction except now they are done and I can start a new pile of things I prefer not to do. I have a busy weekend coming up followed by a busy week. When I had the office job, I often thought that I would have more free time when I was an artist full time. I grossly underestimated all the little things that go along with trying to get exposure and show my work. I'm still stumbling to put efficient processes in place so they no longer feel like chores. I'm still thinking some sort of schedule or dedicated time will work. I just have to follow the schedule I set to do all those things I prefer not to, or find someone to do them for me.

All of this brings me to self accountability. It isn't as easy as it looks on TV. There are distractions and personal desires, procrastinations and other things that can easily bump me off course in spite of me good intentions when I wake up. In fact, every morning, I am sure that today is the day that I do this and that and the other with nearly military precision. Not so much. With morning email comes a game or two on Facebook. The load of laundry starts up and so do the dishes. If I didn't shower after my run , I better take care of that and before I realize it, it is lunch time. When I had an office job, I was amazed by how long the day was. Now I'm amazed by how short it is.

So as not to beat myself up for not being a robot working away everyday, I have the goal of accomplishing one thing on my to-do-list. It doesn't sound like much but believe me, one painting a day translates to 5 a week, 20 a month. That type of production is great. Or perhaps the goal is to update the website, or the store, contact a few artist representatives or whatever. The point is it all doesn't have to be done today. Some today, some tomorrow, some the day after that. I think this goes back to something I've written about before, the process. I want to enjoy the process of building a small business. I don't want to miss it by working myself into the ground. Besides, if I finish 10 things today, I know there will be 10 new things tomorrow to do. It never ends. The goal is never reached. The goal will change while I sleep tonight and always be just out of reach. I'm okay with coming close to the goal, or at least for know I am. Perhaps I'll think differently come winter and I'm house bound.