TGIF!

I'm sitting on the patio writing and attending to administrative tasks, eating peanut M&Ms and drinking Diet Coke (caffeine free). I was thinking TGIF. Why? I control my week and my schedule 100% now. I'm not bound by the traditional work week schedule, but I do seem to follow it relatively closely still. Being an artist is a solitary profession. I am alone most of the time. I have to be in order to do what I do. By the end of the week, not only am I tired of working but I'm also tired of being alone. The older I get, the more I want to be around people. The weekends are my time to interact with people, most of whom work the 9 to 5 daily grind.

I don't mind being alone most of the time but I have noticed a few things that I am still adjusting to. On good days, when things seem to fall into place or a finish a piece that I not only enjoyed creating but I like the end result, I alone can celebrate my success. There isn't anyone nearby or close to share the excitement. I'm slowly learning to celebrate my own successes, to celebrate me. Of course it is always nice to share these experiences with others but being alone doesn't lessen the fact that I accomplished something good and I can be a very good cheerleader for myself. Although I haven't figured out how to pat myself on the back without hurting myself and ending up in an advanced yoga position.

On bad days, when things seem to fall apart, I get rejected from a gallery, a piece gets damaged, or one of the countless things that can happen in a day, there isn't anyone there to help console me. I also am learning how to comfort myself (without binging on junk food). At the same time, there isn't anyone one to criticize either. Reducing criticism is very important for anyone. I believe it slow erodes at self confidence (subject for another day).

The more I rely on myself and less on the approval, rejection, consolation, celebration of others, the more that I enjoy the moments I spend with other people. I'm not leaning on them. We now interact together, what is going on with you, what is going on with me. Basic stuff. But the basic stuff can be rather deep sometimes. We lean on each other. It is mutual, not one way. I don't need to rely on others to help provide me with a sense of identity or, on the flip side, my identity is not dependent on the views, actions and emotions of others. I'm free and detached which, ironically, allows me to be more available to them. We can deal with the interaction, not the trivial details.

So when it gets to be quitting time or the weekend, I'm excited. I have the opportunity to mingle with my friends and possibly meet new ones. And we get to interact together without all the crap of the week. It was taken care of. Plus I get the opportunity to be alone so I can do what I do best, produce images that challenge people to look at things differently, whether they like it or not.

I'm nearly done here for the week. I have a few more things to do and then I'm heading downtown for a gallery opening. I wonder who I might run into tonight.