Sell it on eBay!

Commercialism is a rush!

I just finished setting up my eBay Store for Nolan Studios (http://stores.ebay.com/nolanstudios). I expect to have items listed by the end of the week. I am currently experiencing a rush of adrenaline coupled with a bit of anxiety. This is uncharted territory for me. I like the idea of being a "shopkeeper." It feels so medieval. Since I quit my corporate job to focus on art full time, the past 3 months have been packed with first experiences and there seemed to be no end in sight. Change is coming faster and faster, and with it, I'm doing more and more. It seems to feed on each other. The more I do, the more things change. The more things change, the more I do. Along with it, I am gaining a rise in personal energy. Today was one of the most productive days I've had in ages or even perhaps ever. I'm very excited. Just one more day on the emotional roller coaster.

The excitement today is originating from the idea that it is possible to step outside of the conventional norm and thrive. I have been having doubts. What I mean by stepping outside the norm is being true to myself, deciding specifically not to follow the crowd or societal expectations, but to do my own "thing." I have hope now. Hope for the future, hope for the present. I am willing to try for the sake of trying, not for what might come out of it. I don't think I could have said that in the past. I always felt constrained, limited, suppressed, intimidated. Sure, I was successful, according to the definition of others, but I never felt that way. I always felt like I fell short. The truth is, I was falling short, according to my standards. And with falling short, I criticized myself and others. That didn't help AT ALL! If fact, I think it made things worse. I was so focus on the flaws of others, I distracted myself from seeing what I wanted, what I needed to work on, how I could be a better person, how I had the potential to make myself happy.

So what I noticed about being true to myself is that I have to let go. (No, this is not an ad for Alcoholic Anonymous - Let go, Let God. Never a bad idea however.) I have to let go of expectations, those I have for myself, those I have for others, and those others may have for me. Only then can I truly be true to myself, step outside convention and do my thing. I want to focus my energy on what I have control over, namely me. Everyone else can go do their thing while I do mine. This all sounds very good to me. I'm not there yet.

What does this have to do with eBay? Today, I let go of the negative comments I have heard that one cannot make money selling art on eBay. I think I may have even repeated it (if not believed it) myself. Before I pushed the button, a wave of anxiety hit me. That was all I needed to feel to KNOW this was the right thing to do. I threw away old expectations and beliefs based on hearsay and conjecture (I wonder how much fact actually lives in expectations) and pushed the button. Instantaneously, the anxiety turned into excitement for what may happen next, what door this may have opened. Old habits are hard to break but I think it is time for me to let go some more. I enjoy being an artist and a shopkeeper.