Which Way Do I Go?

For a few weeks know I have been struggling with the concept of being able to support myself with my art work. I haven't sold much lately even with two gallery shows. In addition, many who had doubts about my decision be focus on art as a living have been more vocal lately, spurring me to second guess myself. I often read in blogs and advice for artist websites the suggestion of not quiting your day job. Well I did, six month ago. All together has lead me to where I am now, wondering if I can make a living at this. I have self doubt.

When I first quit my corporate job, I was very gunho and full of optimism. I could paint the next masterpiece and conquer the world. So when the naysayers came knocking I could block their negative ideas or ignore them altogether. I could build myself up. Over time however, my resolve has weakened. I'm getting hit harder and more frequently by the naysayers. There are cracks in my force field. Plus I can only seem to pull myself up so high now. Not as high and strong as I was before. I'm feeling more pragmatic, or at least that how I am rationalizing my second guessing.

So here is my dilemma. On one hand, I know some just don't get it. They don't understand what I want or what I am trying to do. That is okay. They don't have to. As an artist, one of my jobs is to stretch myself and others. Change is hard to accept and often initially ridiculed, especially if it is visionary or radical. I see my purpose to help others see things differently. Some don't want to see things differently. I can work around them.

On the other hand, we live in a highly materialist society. Money rules. I am finding it hard to separate myself from this. I lived in this world for so long and I have a standard of living that I am accustomed to that I want to maintain. Therefore, I want a certain amount of money to make that happen. My art isn't supplying this at the moment. I can make the money I want if I sacrifice some of the time I have dedicated to my art and put it back into the corporate agenda. Part of me sees this as selling out. Part of me sees it as failing at being an artist. And part of me tells me I need more time to develop my craft and I should be will to do whatever it takes to make it happen, even if that means temporarily going back into a corporate life.

So, here I am. I have some doubt and some confusion on the best route forward. I know that I must stay the course to make my dream of being a self supporting working artist a reality. Creating art and showing it to others makes me happy. There may be some detours. There may be some wrong turns. I may even have to back track now and then. I guess, ultimately, it is a question of how badly I want this and am I willing to do the work to make it happen. If I can remain focus on my goal, I hope that I can stay true to the goal in spite of the naysayers and my own second guessing. If I stay true, the money will come.