Ingredients to a Healthy Relationship

I read the following ingredients to a healthy relationship by K. Wordbird Bate that I would pass along.


Some Healthy Relationship Ingredients

Trust: I am willing to allow trustworthy others to gain access to who I am.

Respect: I treat others as valuable. I use a respectful tone and words.

Honesty: I don’t keep secrets, or play games with the truth.

Consideration: I stay mindful of the other person’s needs and feelings.

Acceptance: I feel good about who I am. I see others as okay.

Integrity: I know my values, and I maintain them.

Understanding: I communicate so I am understood. I empathize and listen to others.

Boundaries: I can say, “no,” take some space, have some privacy, ask not to be touched, and make my own decisions. I allow this to others.

Self-Awareness: I stay in touch with what I know, need, want and feel.

Communication: I can talk freely about important issues.

Commitment: I am able to work through discomfort and hard times. I can rely on myself to do what I say I am going to do.

Self-Responsibility: I take charge of my own goals and needs. I don’t expect others to fufill me, make choices for me, do what I should be doing, or answer all my needs.

Maturity: I interact, express and react as a grown person. I don’t fall apart, have tantrums, give the silent treatment, abandon others, act in spite, or call people names.

Equality: I’m a sharing, equal partner. Neither Taker nor Giver.

Directness: I can say clearly and warmly what’s going on for me. . I’m not sarcastic or sideways. I don’t manipulate, confuse or maneuver others.

Change: I allow myself to change and grow. I don’t sabotage change in myself or others.

Touch: I am able to give and accept affection and support through touch.

Emotion: I allow myself the full range of emotions, and express respectfully. I allow others their emotional expression, if it’s respectful of me.

Affirmations

I came across these affirmations from K. Wordbird Bate that I thought were worth passing on.

Affirmations: Choose a couple of these, and say and think them often to reinforce the message:


I congratulate me on the person I am; and the person I am becoming.

By accepting myself, I reflect light on all those around me.

I accept the people I love as they are right now.

I allow myself to absorb love and acceptance from others.

I am worthy of forgiveness. I love and forgive myself.

I trust that others know best how to live their lives.

I speak to others the way I would want them to speak to me.

I have the right to laugh and feel happy.

I open myself to receive all good things!

Man Cannot Live on Art Alone

I've been struggling the past month or so in finding inspiration and motivation to paint. Some days I force myself, other days I simple don't do it. I feel guilty. I try to rationalize it. If I don't feel it, I don't feel it. I also was blaming the economy. Little has sold this year so why bother. But I have to remind myself that I don't paint to sell, although that would be great. I paint because I have a creative urge that must be satisfied.

During this time period of slow creativity, I also realized that art alone was not satisfying my analytical side. I want more than art. So, I am relaunching my consulting practice that was very successful several years ago to do in conjunction with art. It will take some time away from the art but in the end, I believe my art will have more energy and life in it. Of course, time will tell.

In the meantime, my day is not split between art and consulting. Both businesses are in its infancy and a lot of work lays ahead. I am trying to break things down into workable pieces so as not become overwhelmed. I have had a tendency in the past to take on big projects, expect too much too soon and then become disappointed and drop everything when reality shows my expectations to be unrealistic. Patience and planning are definitely virtues. I'm learning that.

Creative and Clean

This past week I was experimenting with the latest recommendation from Bruce Mau's "Incomplete Manifesto for Growth" which states "Don’t clean your desk. You might find something in the morning that you can’t see tonight."

A few years ago, I would have supported this recommendation 100%. My desk in corporate life was notorious. Piles everywhere to the point I wondered how I could find space to work. I even had piles of paper and folders on the floor under my desk and behind me. It gave me a false sense of security, as if I had accomplished something. I had piles and piles of paper to show I was "doing" something. In reality, I was only killing trees. In my last corporate position, at the Division's annual holiday party, I won an "award" for the messiest desk. Not one of my proud moments.

So now I come across a suggestion that encourages me not to clean up. I was baffled at first. I have since began cleaning up and keeping a cleaner work space so this idea hit me as regression. I concluded that although the intent is correct, the approach misses the mark. The issue isn't about cleaning a desk. The issue is about allowing myself to be open day in and day out, to see things differently today than I did yesterday. To experience things new and thus give me a new perspective and possibly a new direction.

I can do this with a clean desk. This is an attitude change. A messy desk in the end causes more angst and time consuming anxiety and allowing for a new and opening experience. So, I'm going to continue to clean up every night. But in the morning, I'm starting each day as if it were the first day of the project. And yes, I may just see something I didn't notice the night before.

This week I will be looking at "Don’t enter awards competitions. Just don’t. It’s not good for you."

To Err is Human

This past week I was reviewing the latest recommendation from Bruce Mau's "Incomplete Manifesto for Growth" which reads "Avoid software. The problem with software is that everyone has it."

To be honest, I didn't paint or do anything creative last week at all. I didn't feel inspired. Nonetheless, a few ideas came to mind of approaches to take when my creativity returns and all were free of external "influences".

There are a few points I want to make regarding this recommendation. First, even if your creation is original, someone else could eventually copy it. Or you can copy someone else's work. Because it is reproducible mechanically, someone will reproduce it. The work will lose its its originality and uniqueness. The second point, and the more important I believe, is that a creation made with software, albeit different and/or original, lacks soul. It lacks the human element, the human touch. The imperfection that makes the artist special in the first place.

Imperfection is what makes art so perfect. It captures that very element that makes us human and shows it to the world. It also allows for perfection beyond our comprehension. Time to get our hands dirty and turn off the computer. Be human.

Next week, I will write about "Don’t clean your desk. You might find something in the morning that you can’t see tonight."

Standing on Shoulders

Last week I examined the 23rd recommendation from Bruce Mau's "Incomplete Manifesto for Growth" which states "Stand on someone’s shoulders. You can travel farther carried on the accomplishments of those who came before you. And the view is so much better."

I ended up interpreting this as there is no need to reinvent the wheel. Not only is it okay to used what others have developed or discovered, it is to my advantage. I can build on it and thus produce something complete new and original. Plus I don't have to spend the time and energy learning and making the mistakes someone has already done. I can learn from others and then make brand new mistakes. Not repeat someone else's.

I also saw this as a sign to ask for help when needed. As the saying goes "two heads are better than one", help can push my results closer to my dreams further and faster than if I attempted to do so on my own. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength. It shows that I am aware of the task at hand and my abilities and in order to achieve the task I have to add to my resources. In addition, I have found over the years, asking people for help not only makes others feel needed and useful, but it give them a sense of ownership in my task. They are more interested in what I do. They are more invested in what I do. They become more invested in me. It helps build a sense of community. Likewise, I soon discover that their goals are often related to my own. Thus working together we can "kill two birds with one stone."

There is no need to go it alone. Ask for help. Build on what came before. Include others. Move forward. It all helps in creating positive momentum.

This week I will look at "Avoid software. The problem with software is that everyone has it."

No Limits

There is no limit to a man, for what he will is what he can. There is
nothing impossible to him who will try.
-Alexander The Great

I Want the Day Off!

I woke up this morning a bit out of sorts. Not in a bad mood, not in a good one either. I didn't feel much like doing anything, at all. I forced myself to paint a while but not nearly as much as a typical day. I then began to attack small projects around the house that I wanted to get done but for some reason always ended up on the "do tomorrow" list. The ironic part is I don't like being bored nor idle. I want to be busy doing something. But today, that wasn't painting. It wasn't calling galleries either. I didn't want to have anything to do with the creative process or sales in any way, shape or form. To avoid doing so, I even polished my coffee table! The last time I polished my coffee table was over 4 years ago. It is not a household task that I enjoy doing but today it was better than working.

I have days like this. I'm not sure what causes them and I doubt that there is anything that I can to do eliminate or mitigate them. It is mid afternoon now and I am just now beginning to get back to my normal schedule. I still don't want to but I have nothing else to do. I can't watch daytime TV plus doing so makes me feel guilty, like I "should" be doing something. Maybe I should just take a "mental health day" and let it go. Tomorrow is another day and another opportunity to start attacking the tasks on my list, both for the art studio and the new consulting practice.

I keep reminding myself, consistent effort will get me to where I want to go. Consistently applying effort seems to be an issue. Maybe I just like to daydream. Maybe I don't have what it takes. Maybe I'm afraid of failure. Maybe I'm afraid of success. Honestly, however, I think this is a combination of impatience and avoidance of change, especially the kind of change that points me into a brand new direction.

God willing, I will have another opportunity tomorrow to try again.

Create Your Tools

The past week I was reviewing the 22nd suggestion from Bruce Mau's "Incomplete Manifesto for Growth" which states "Make your own tools. Hybridize your tools in order to build unique things. Even simple tools that are your own can yield entirely new avenues of exploration. Remember, tools amplify our capacities, so even a small tool can make a big difference." I took tools to mean anything that I can used to aide me in my tasks. A pretty general definition.

I believe that this can be a very powerful act, making and using new tools. On the making of tools, this starts the creative process. I'm making a tool that didn't exist before. Pretty simple by itself but it sets my state of mind. Whatever I create with that tool is also brand new, a original creation, not ever before attempted. It is a step forward.

Changing to new tools also have a similar benefit. By switching tools, the mind acts differently. I can be performing the same task but because it is a new tool, I expect new things. I also typical get what I expect. New is good. Change it good. Movement is good.

I think this advice slips over into other not art related aspects of my life. By making "new tools" I define how I want to life. I indirectly define myself as well. And the simple act of changing from a pencil to a pen, changing tools, changes my perceptions of what I am writing. I can't erase pen. It feels more permanent, more important. I end up treating my writing with more importance and before I know it, my writing is better and is what? More important.

In the end, I see the recommendation of creating tools or using new ones as a metaphor for stepping out of the comfort zone and experience things differently.

This week I will examine "Stand on someone’s shoulders. You can travel farther carried on the accomplishments of those who came before you. And the view is so much better."

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

This past week I examined the 21st recommendation from Bruce Mau's "Incomplete Manifesto for Growth" which states "Repeat yourself. If you like it, do it again. If you don’t like it, do it again."

As a few people know, I'm in the middle of series of 12 self portraits. They are more expressionistic than realistic. Regardless, it is lather, rinse, repeat. To keep myself from getting bored, I'll work on an abstract or "special project" to clear my mind. I am finishing up the 6th portrait by the end of this week. I believe the concept of repeating the process works.

Each of the 6 portraits are different. Some I like, some I don't. Some are more experimental in nature and some are more conservative in the approach I took. Regardless, there is a sense of sequential connection from one to the next. The portraits overall are becoming more complex in style and technique as well as expression. At first, I loathed the idea of repeating the same theme over and over again. But after doing this for 2.5 months, I am beginning to enjoy it. I can make small adjustments from one painting to the next. Over time, the adjustments add up to be major ones. I also noticed that portrait #6, the one nearing completion is a large step out from the others. As I continue the portraits, my confidence in creating them is growing. The result is I am comfortable being more expressive as well as taking more risks. I suspect I will make minor adjustment at this level for a few before the next major leap forward occurs again.

I guess that is my main take away from this suggestion. The fallout of repeating the process is not only confidence and proficiency but also the knowledge that in time, a major step forward will occur naturally and effortlessly. I also see this in other aspects of my person and professional life. This blog is a great example. This is my 60th posting. When I began blogging, I found it to be a chore. I rarely knew what I would write about and I was worried whether what I wrote was any good and would others read it. Now, I never struggle with find something to write about. I rarely edit the blog before publishing.

Another example is applying for gallery shows. Week in and week out, 5 to 10 submission go out. My submission are getting better and I'm am beginning to get responses.

Lather, rinse, repeat. I'm going to put it on a t-shirt.

This week I am looking at "Make your own tools. Hybridize your tools in order to build unique things. Even simple tools that are your own can yield entirely new avenues of exploration. Remember, tools amplify our capacities, so even a small tool can make a big difference."

Clear Confusion

Although I am only half way through the week, it has been confusing and a bit frustrating on the professional and personal fronts. I had a very difficult time painting today. I felt blocked. I am blocked. Confusion is blocking me. Okay, to me honest I'm allowing confusion to block me but I haven't found the way to jump that wall yet.

When I feel frustrated, I can continue to work. I somehow can push the feelings aside and allow my creative side out. Confusion is a different animal. It feels like a fog. It permeates into every nook and cranny on my head and heart. I feel clumsy and stumble around, feeling way. This is also how I feel when I attempt to create, clumsy, foggy. I wasn't able today to return to paintings I had started earlier. I couldn't "see" what had to be done next. So I decided to move on to new paintings.

I had some blank boards lying around, already prepared. I set it up and was already to go. I stared at the blank black board. No image emerged. No colors emerged. Nothing but static. It reminded me of when I was a kid and we use an antenna to get TV reception. Some days the picture was clear and others filled with static so that I could barely make out the picture on the TV. Today was static. Needless to say, I didn't start the new painting.

I'll try again tomorrow. I'm hoping the forecast calls for a lifting fog and a clear day.

Be Careful to Take Risks

This past week I was focusing on the latest suggestion from Bruce Mau's "Incomplete Manifesto for Growth" namely "Be careful to take risks. Time is genetic. Today is the child of yesterday and the parent of tomorrow. The work you produce today will create your future." I think this applies to nearly every aspect of my life, not just the creative side.

I recently read that most people use the incorrect definition of a goal, something that will be or will be achieved in the future. It went on to say that that isn't a goal as so much a result. The future state is the result of the goals and work we do today. Today is built on what was accomplished yesterday. Tomorrow with start off where we left off today. Therefore, day in and day out, we work little by little and over time we begin to see results. The goals are actually those smaller targets that we can accomplish today. For example, I have a goal that I will paint for at least 2 hours today, and again tomorrow and the day after that. If I hit my daily goals, I will have the results of producing the number of paintings of quality I want by the end of the month.

I also noticed two things that when I focus more on what I am doing today and not on what I want 3 months from now. First, it is harder to procrastinate. I have 5 tasks to do today. I either do them or I don't. If I don't, they are on the list tomorrow. They don't go away and they are still needed to be done if the results are going to be realized. The second thing I noticed is those grand results I want for myself are not so big and overwhelming when I break them down into smaller attainable daily tasks. With not being so overwhelming, the risks associated with the daily tasks are also not as scary. They even seem trivial at times. So simply by breaking things down and focus on today, I am able to no procrastinate and push things forward while also taking a few risks along the way. Remember, no risk, no reward.

My conclusion is that I should look everyday in my tasks for something that is a bit risky and do it. Doing so day after day will yield much larger results and give an intense sense of accomplishment. Most of all, I'll get what I want.

This week I am looking at the 21st recommendation from the "Incomplete Manifesto for Growth" which states "Repeat yourself. If you like it, do it again. If you don’t like it, do it again."

Vision

Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world.
-Joel Barker

Work the Metaphor, No Thanks

Last week, from Bruce Mau's "Incomplete Manifesto for Growth" I reviewed "Work the metaphor. Every object has the capacity to stand for something other than what is apparent. Work on what it stands for." I have absolutely no idea what this means, what the suggestion is, how to apply it or how this relates to life or the creative process.

In fact, I couldn't disagree more with this recommendation. I believe to see things as they are and stop adding additional layers, fogging and confusing reality. Things are what they are. In there lies the beauty.

I will admit that many things have multiple meanings and playing these meanings off each other or using thing in unique and original ways will provide new and exciting results. But this still goes back to the meanings, what they truly are. Metaphors are traps to avoid being direct. If you have something to say, say it. No sugar coating.

I do not find this suggestion helpful or productive. Just the opposite. Just say what you want to say. It is what it is.

This week, I will examine "Be careful to take risks. Time is genetic. Today is the child of yesterday and the parent of tomorrow. The work you produce today will create your future.

A Day of Life

To wake up in the morning and be excited.

To feel good.

To feel my body alive—the energy flowing—

Propelling forward effortlessly to take action.

To have purpose.

To be connected.

To love—be loved—to love myself.

To want each day never to end.

To love life.

To want to be alive.

To smile—to laugh—to eat---to sleep.

To breathe each breath and relish it.

To taste life with each swallow.

To live.

To never find something not to be grateful for.

To be me!

--Devlyn Steele

Just a Little Faith

I was having lunch with a friend yesterday and he began discussing my decision to give up my full time corporate job to pursue art. It surprised me that 7 months into my "new life" that people are still talking about it. He went on and on about how much confidence I must have, especially in my abilities. He saw my change as courageous.

I don't want to discount his opinion as I took it as a big compliment. But, I never saw it that way before. I still don't. I didn't have confidence in my artist abilities at the time. I didn't have confidence that my plan would work nor that I wasn't making the biggest mistake of my life. It was painful. I made my decision in October to pull the trigger in the end of March. I had many, many sleepless nights and near panic attacks over my decision. I almost backed out of it or modified the plan to make it "easier." Now, I'm glad I didn't.

What I did have, however, was faith. I believed in my heart of hearts that regardless of the fear and anxiety that I was experiencing, I would be okay. I had no idea where I would end up (and I still don't) but that ambiguity was where the adventure began. I believed that with a daily focus on my art work, my art would mature to a place where I would be proud to sign it. My signature went from being on the back, to a small signature on the front to now a large, clear signature in a prominent location. Evidence of my pride in my work. I knew that as my work improved, sales would follow. I knew that I would get better creating. I knew that I could take care of myself and I knew that there is always another corporate job waiting me. Maybe not like the one I had but I wasn't going to starve or be living on the streets. I held on to my faith. Several days, I quoted the Little Engine That Could, "I know I can, I know I can." The strangest things popped into my head to keep my moving forward. Since the concept of changing careers seemed reasonable, at the time, albeit nontraditional and risky, I couldn't see a reason to pass up one more opportunity like I had in the past. I dove in, eyes shut tight!

I am happy to say I haven't starved and my work has matured and improved. Pieces are selling. In addition, other avenues to make money have appeared and I am pursuing them. These options were not open to me when I held a full time job. Again, they are nontraditional in nature. I can't, nor do I want, to follow convention anymore. Having faith that everything will turn out for the best even on those days when everything looks hopeless and doubt is circling like vultures is the priceless key to moving out of the box. I am very grateful I took the chance on myself. There is a whole world outside the box. And my art is reflecting that world back out as I experience it.

The next time an opportunity arises, even though I may be hesitant or feel a bit fearful of the uncertainty of it all, I simply have to remember to take a deep breath and have faith that I will not only handle what life may throw at me, but I'll end up thriving as a result of it. Good luck!

Stay Up Late

This past week I was examining the latest suggestion from Bruce Mau's "Incomplete Manifesto for Growth" which reads "Stay up late. Strange things happen when you’ve gone too far, been up too long, worked too hard, and you're separated from the rest of the world."

I agree that strange and often wonderful things occur when I'm separated from the world. No argument. But I don't believe you have to stay up and create in the middle of the night to have it happen. I have been working for the past few months at discovering an optimal work/life schedule for me. At first I threw out the corporate schedule I was use to. I then when to a very open, relaxed, unstructured schedule. Honestly, it was boring. I accomplished some but not enough and it didn't help my creativity. I talk a good game but I'm not a free spirit at heart. I soon realized that I work well in structure, just not a rigid corporate structure. I thrived when I set aside certain time periods for certain tasks. For example, I try to paint between 10am and 1pm for at least 2 hours daily. I have 3 hours in the afternoon which are designated to various projects and tasks depending on the day of the week. The rest of the time is left open for whatever else I want to do that day or what I believe has to get done. My productivity has soared.

So then I came to this recommendation to stay up. I recoiled at the idea as I had just found a good schedule that fits me like a glove with minimal stress and pretty good results. And in order to maintain the schedule, my sleep patterns had to be set in advanced. I'm a bit crabby if I don't get enough sleep.

Thinking about the recommendation more, I decided to go after the intent, namely, separate myself from the world. I could do that by temporarily change my schedule. Simply by moving my painting time to the afternoon one day, it would throw me off and let's see what would happen. Nothing happened, literally. I was the most unproductive I have ever been since I began my adventure as an artist. It could have been the day I chose for the experiment or the idea of simply moving my schedule around was flawed. I think the idea was flawed.

There may be something behind the recommendation to stay up and separate. I don't know. It is in contrast to everything that I know to work well. This is one suggestion I cannot stand behind without throwing out my schedule. I doubt the payback is enough to do so. I do recommend however, if you can, to find ways to detach and separate yourself. Creativity is about reaching inside, it is a solitary experience.

This week, I will review the next suggestion "Work the metaphor. Every object has the capacity to stand for something other than what is apparent. Work on what it stands for."

Late Bloomer

My friend Nancy sent me a link to a New Yorker article (http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/10/20/081020fa_fact_gladwell?printable=true) which talks about the differnces between a artisty prodigy and a late bloomer. I encourage you to read it.

I often consider myself a late bloomer artistically speaking. I didn't really get the calling until my late 30's and by that point I had had several careers of varying levels of success. The path I was on could have easily provided me with a stable, comfortable life. Then I began painting. I painted my first portrait, of my grandfather, the day I heard he was terminally sick. Although this painting is immature in many ways, it reminds me of the emotions I had that day. And it shows. For that, the painting is not for sale.

I continued painting for years on the side as a hobby. The hobby began to take over my thoughts. The urge to create became large. I found corporate jobs that allowed me to create more with my desk job but with time, I no longer found that satisfying. I had to break out on my own, in more ways than one. In Fall of 2008, I found myself alone in the middle of Madrid, a city I had dreamt of visiting since my first day of Spanish class in high school. It was a dream come true. It was also incredible lonely. My Spanish sucked. And even though I was attending classes all day long, my language abilities could not progress fast enough. I spent most of the time alone, no conversation.

Admitting to myself that I probably would not be hitting the nightlife in Madrid, I went to the incredible museums the city has to offer. The modern art museum housed collections of some of my favorite paintings such as Picasso, Miró, Gris, Dalí, etc. I stared for an hour at "Guerneca" by Picasso. I wanted to do that. I looked at it closer. I eventually began to walk back to my hotel with the paintings racing through my head. This is what I wanted to do. No doubts at all. Then all the insecurities hit circling the one fateful question, "How?"

So the plan was set and has been activated since then. Today is one year after my trip to Spain. I'm painting full time but not yet selling in large quantities. I'm looking for a balance between working as a consultant to feed my stomach and working as an artist to feel my soul. I know it will all work out in the end and the end isn't point. It is the process of creating and re-creating time and again is what I am looking forward to.

Just a Rainy Day

My allergies are flaring up, the weather is rainy and gloomy, and it has been an overly quiet day. It is now 4pm and I have not spoken to another human being. Normally I would become concerned that I am heading down the path to being a hermit but I just sat down at Starbucks and will be ordering a drink soon. My vow of silence will be broken.

In spite of all of this, I found that I was very productive and creative this morning. I have three paintings going at the moment. Nothing new there. But I noticed that I was intimately involved with each one today. As I focused on one, the others nearly disappeared from my consciousness. My world narrowed immensely and all I saw, all I thought about was the painting in front of me. In addition, the next step I wanted to take with each one become crystal clear. I was excited by it, elated. This took me by surprise since I woke up a bit crabby and bad allergies. I just didn't feel well and was suspecting today would be a less than productive day. Not the case.

I moved on the the second painting. Working away, I got a bit carried away and I overshot the result I was looking for. Resin can have a mind of it's own. It continued to flow even after I stopped working with it. So, I am now heading in an unknown and unexpected direction. The last time that happened I ended up finding a new technique.

The third painting is lacking emotion, my emotion. It shows. It is an attempt to satisfy the home decor market. I may be selling out here. I'm not being completely true to myself. One of these days I'll learn to relax and just paint my style without worrying about future sales. Art is not a product. Treating it as a product zapped the life out of it. In the meantime, I'll continue this piece and see where it may lead. Regardless, I'm enjoying creating it.

So, for what I thought would be a quiet day turned out to be very enlightening, productive and a bit adventurous. The day isn't over yet. Perhaps there is more to come.

Keep it Blank

This past week I was reviewing the 17th suggestion from Bruce Mau's "Incomplete Manifesto for Growth" which reads "____________________.
Intentionally left blank. Allow space for the ideas you haven’t had yet, and for the ideas of others."

At first, I didn't know what to think of this recommendation or how to incorporate it into my creative life, or life in general for that matter. I was looking for a specific suggestion. Then, I thought that I had to find a new suggestion to fill in the blank. I wasn't in the mood to come up with a new recommendation. Plus, it seemed counter to the feeling of the manifesto in general. So, I put it aside like I often do and come back to it later.

I didn't think about it that much in the sense of coming up with a new recommendation. My thoughts kept circling around the idea of being open to new things, ideas, situations, people, etc. Several times I caught myself in a creative brainstorming session, imagining new styles, the techniques that they would require and as well as new methods for getting my name out there and selling my work. The analogy that I began to use was this. My mind was a blank chalk board, completely clean. I would get distracted and focus on something else. Then, when I came back, it would be covered with writing, in my handwriting. Yet, I don't recall writing any of it. I would take in all the new concepts and ideas and erase the board. Something would then distract me again. When I came back, again, more handwriting. The process would continue. It even began to leech into my dreams. Ideas and new approaches were coming at me left and right 24 hours a day as long as I kept and open mind and didn't force it.

So, for me, I'm keeping this recommendation blank. The more blank I am, the more content seems to develop.

This week, I will look at the 18th recommendation, namely, "Stay up late. Strange things happen when you’ve gone too far, been up too long, worked too hard, and you're separated from the rest of the world."

Art for Sale

It is that time of year again. I got my flu shot this afternoon. I figured that I had to do it. Now more than ever I must take care of myself. With all the changes occurring in the world, I rationalized that the only way I can be a successful artist and a successful small businessman (all artists are small businesses) I will need to work smarter, maybe a little harder or longer hours, and definitely work to a higher level of quality. That means I want to avoid being sick or run down.

I had one of my inspiring afternoons in the process. I walked to the pharmacy that was selling the flu shots. I walked for the exercise, because it is a beautiful autumn day in Chicago (and winter is around the corner), and to be more green. It was a 25 minute walk to the pharmacy. All the way there, the current economic crisis was going through my head. In addition, and what I thought was more important, I was thinking about how I am going to "survive" the crisis. Questions like "how much money will I lose?" or "who will buy my paintings?" or "should I get a second job?" I try not to worry about things I can't control, like the economy and once I reminded myself of that, the answers to my questions became clear. Yes, I will lose a lot of money. Someone will buy my buy my paintings eventually. And probably, I will get a second job to put my mind at ease. Seemed easy. Worry was gone.

I got the shot. It hurt more than usual. I stopped off for a coffee for the walk home. I got a medium and I'm still drinking it. I'm not use to this amount of caffeine. I decided to take a different route home. A bit longer. I found it odd that I decided to take a longer route home since I had a number of things I wanted to accomplish yet today. I was feeling motivated by the fact I no long have to worry about the economy. I'm sure there are millions of people out there willing to do that for me. With the sun in my face and a cool breeze periodically blowing across the street, I began to receive images again. I didn't only receive one or two. I saw complete series. Two of them in fact. Both building on my current series but completely different at the same time. The images came quietly and remained in my thoughts until the next one arrived. I continued this process the entire walk home. I was a bit of a zombie. I walked home on autopilot while image after image became mine.

As cool of an experience it was, it was also frustrating. I have yet to set up my space or processes sufficiently to take on this number of pieces that I now what to do. Part of me fears that I will sink all this time, energy and money into creating all this art for it to pile up in the already full closet. It may be time for me to shrug off these fears, work on my craft, create these images that were so graciously given to me, and be an artist. After all, there will be someone out there who will buy my art, no matter what the stock market is doing.

Excuses, excuses

I woke up this morning not feeling very creative. I did however wake up with tons of excuses. I woke up late because it is Fall and the sun rises later. I didn't do my complete workout at the gym because it was getting late and I was a bit tired. Allergies you know. I didn't paint very long this morning because I just wasn't in the mood. On and on. All excuses. I didn't realize to this afternoon how many seemingly little things I rationalize away, all those things I don't do but should do to get the results I want and all those things I do do but should because they have results I don't want. What a trap I have created for myself.

I've been an artist long enough that there are days when I don't feel especially creative or in the mood. But not long after I begin my creative process, my mood changes and the creativity comes to me. It happens whether I want it to happen or not, as long as I do it. Creating almost always puts me into a good mood. So why do I allow myself to wiggly out of it? All those small reasons aren't reasons at all. Just excuses.

Here is another curious thing I notice today related to all of this. Three times a week I blog. I have it in my to do list. It happens even when I don't know what I am going to write about, which is often. Yet, there have been only a few days where I didn't blog. I determined that blog was important for me to do so I do it. But when it comes to my art, I haven't set aside time when creating is my priority. So it makes it easy to make excuses and not follow through. Yet this is what I want to do and I know that what I produce gets better and better each day. My best work is the work I start tomorrow. But, I don't give my work the priority and the energy that is needed to succeed. Paintings don't paint themselves. I paint them. So why do I allow myself to make excuses not to paint?

Many of my person and professional goals are dependent on me painting, producing paintings, producing good art and then selling it. Since this is at the core from which everything else is dependent, it is imperative that I give my art the respect, time and priority is deserves. Simply by creating an additional hour a day would have a order of magnitude difference in everything else that I do. I guess, no, I know that my challenge is to focus more, makes excuses less, and do those things that will have the greatest impact. In my case, that is painting. No more excuses.

Collaborate

This past week, I was looking at the 16th recommendation from Bruce Mau's "Incomplete Manifesto for Growth" which reads "Collaborate. The space between people working together is filled with conflict, friction, strife, exhilaration, delight, and vast creative potential."

What I experienced is that we don't live in a vacuum. Without interacting with others, emotion begins to drain out of our lives. Without emotion, any creation will lack emotion. Emotionless art is lifeless, boring, uninspiring, uninspired. There is a heat or passion that can spark between lovers. There is anger and sadness that develops in a fight. There is joy and happiness that exists when love and acceptance are shown and given. All of these emotions and many others gives us energy. That energy can be transferred into our creations. I believe it is the art that contains within it energy, aka emotions, is the art that elicits the greatest response from others. Everyone wants to feel alive, energized.

So my suggestion to put this recommendation into practice is to go out and have real relationships with people. I was going to use the word authentic instead of real but that came too close to what my therapist would say. I, as an artist, cannot express myself if I'm not clear on what I'm feeling and want to express. Likewise, if I'm not feeling, I cannot express myself. Feelings get triggered by interacting with others, by living a life. Go forth and experience. Try something new. Call someone. Do something. And if you are afraid to do so, great! Tell someone and watch your creativity flow.

This week I will look at "____________________. Intentionally left blank. Allow space for the ideas you haven’t had yet, and for the ideas of others.

Stay in the Game

Another week is coming to an end. My detail work plan was not followed to the letter but many more elements were incorporated into my work day. My art pieces are still moving at a snail pace but the business aspect is getting more attention than before.

I am a bit defeated. I had two shows in September and no sales. One gallery asked to keep my work up for another month. They seem to be working a bit harder to sell my art. That is why I'm paying them a commission. So, I'm encouraged by this.

Overall, I'm still optimistic. The art path is not a straight line and seems to be taking me in directions I hadn't expected. That is good, or I at least finally came to that conclusion. Sometimes that unexpected are the best and most rewarding surprises.

I'm still feeling pressure about money. All self induced. But, in time that will alleviate itself. I will make money somehow without it negatively impacting my desire to spend as much time as I can creating art. One step builds on the last. Consistency is the key to this game. It may be the key to any game. Stay in the game, keep playing and sooner or later, things will pop.

Which Way Do I Go?

For a few weeks know I have been struggling with the concept of being able to support myself with my art work. I haven't sold much lately even with two gallery shows. In addition, many who had doubts about my decision be focus on art as a living have been more vocal lately, spurring me to second guess myself. I often read in blogs and advice for artist websites the suggestion of not quiting your day job. Well I did, six month ago. All together has lead me to where I am now, wondering if I can make a living at this. I have self doubt.

When I first quit my corporate job, I was very gunho and full of optimism. I could paint the next masterpiece and conquer the world. So when the naysayers came knocking I could block their negative ideas or ignore them altogether. I could build myself up. Over time however, my resolve has weakened. I'm getting hit harder and more frequently by the naysayers. There are cracks in my force field. Plus I can only seem to pull myself up so high now. Not as high and strong as I was before. I'm feeling more pragmatic, or at least that how I am rationalizing my second guessing.

So here is my dilemma. On one hand, I know some just don't get it. They don't understand what I want or what I am trying to do. That is okay. They don't have to. As an artist, one of my jobs is to stretch myself and others. Change is hard to accept and often initially ridiculed, especially if it is visionary or radical. I see my purpose to help others see things differently. Some don't want to see things differently. I can work around them.

On the other hand, we live in a highly materialist society. Money rules. I am finding it hard to separate myself from this. I lived in this world for so long and I have a standard of living that I am accustomed to that I want to maintain. Therefore, I want a certain amount of money to make that happen. My art isn't supplying this at the moment. I can make the money I want if I sacrifice some of the time I have dedicated to my art and put it back into the corporate agenda. Part of me sees this as selling out. Part of me sees it as failing at being an artist. And part of me tells me I need more time to develop my craft and I should be will to do whatever it takes to make it happen, even if that means temporarily going back into a corporate life.

So, here I am. I have some doubt and some confusion on the best route forward. I know that I must stay the course to make my dream of being a self supporting working artist a reality. Creating art and showing it to others makes me happy. There may be some detours. There may be some wrong turns. I may even have to back track now and then. I guess, ultimately, it is a question of how badly I want this and am I willing to do the work to make it happen. If I can remain focus on my goal, I hope that I can stay true to the goal in spite of the naysayers and my own second guessing. If I stay true, the money will come.

Stupid Questions

This past week I was looking at "Ask stupid questions. Growth is fueled by desire and innocence. Assess the answer, not the question. Imagine learning throughout your life at the rate of an infant," from Bruce Mau's "Incomplete Manifesto for Growth." On the surface, this seemed like a fairly simple suggestion. In reality, I found it extremely difficult to apply or see the positive impact I wanted to receive.

All throughout my career in the corporate world, I heard and said that the only dumb questions are the ones not asked. I'm sure many dumb questions are never asked everyday of the work week. Who wants to be that person? I have even heard the preface "this may be a dumb question but..." It takes the edge off a bit or just lets the world know that I don't see the value in the question I'm asking. But at least it was asked and it was out there. More often than not, the stupid questions generate a healthy discussion and may influence the final outcomes decisions. That is the point, growth.

In a creative capacity, I spend most of my working day alone. I may have had a stupid question but there was no one immediately near to ask. Hence my issue. To ask a stupid question, I have to suspend my ego and self criticism and ask the question. But I also wanted some to ask. That was at first. In addition, I found myself searching and searching for stupid questions. I was forcing it. That wasn't helpful either. Just as with art, when it is forced, it shows.

As the week progressed and I continued to look at the suggestion that I post weekly on my wall near my computer as a reminder, I started talking to myself. Since the wine was safely corked in the kitchen, I figured I was losing my mind or I was lonely. I don't think it was either case actually. I was looking for someone to hear and possibly answer my stupid questions and I found someone, me.

Many of the times my questions arose were when I was procrastinating or I felt I had a hurdle in front of me. I asked the question and I answered it. I often smiled and/or chuckled because, well, I was talking to myself aloud and my questions were stupid and the answers were equally crazy. It did however break the self made tension over the roadblock I was facing. I immediately was able and did breakthrough. On a few occasions, my answers were dump and I gave myself some insight, both in how I think and feel, but possibly how things may work around me. Regardless of which situation, the end result was action, movement and energy, all with a smile on my face. Once I got past the notion that I was feeling stupid doing this at all, I found this to be a liberating exercise.

This week, I will examine the next suggestions in the "Incomplete Manifesto for Growth" by Bruce Mau which is "Collaborate. The space between people working together is filled with conflict, friction, strife, exhilaration, delight, and vast creative potential."

Don't Worry, Be Creative

The current economic crisis in the US got me thinking about what is happening, how it go to this level, what and how are addressing it and how all of it may or will impact me now and in the future. That's a lot to think about in addition to all my day to day stuff and my daily attempt to create a masterpiece. Throw in my disillusionment of the current presidential election and my head is swimming with thoughts, mostly negative. This is toxic. It is poison to my general well being and it is deadly for creative ideas.

I woke up this morning on the wrong side of the bed. I mean negative, not on the left. I wasn't in a bad mood per se but I was carrying a feeling of despair. It was a heavy feeling. I was unable to work. The creative flow was avoiding me, or rather, I was probably pushing it away. I had other things that I had to do so I shifted my focus. I also started thinking about the economic crisis, as it is being referred to. Can I can control or influence it? Has any of my actions been to blame for it? I concluded that this situation is out of my control. Therefore it is pointless and a waste of time and energy for me to worry about it. I can influence it, or at least its impact on me, indirectly. I made sure that my investments were as sounds as possible given what I know today. Am I to fault? I don't think so. I don't have bad credit. I pay my bills. I don't have a mortgage I can't afford. And I don't give credit to those who are over their heads for whatever reason. I will in the future watch my investments closer so that I invest in companies that do not put money over people in the future. All of this was the rant in my head as I went about doing stuff half ass.

I noticed something after I decided that I wasn't going to worry about this and I would be just fine as this works itself out. My mood lifted and my creative urge returned. I also have a boost in energy as well. I wonder how many other times I have held on to things, ideas, concepts, issues that didn't involve me but yet I took them on. This is definitely an energy drain. A creativity drain as well. Doing my own thing with the confidence that I will handle whatever comes my way so far seems to be the biggest push for my creative side. Non-creative types may not fully understand what I'm talking about today but I'll let them worry about that.

;-)

Self Accountability & Time Management

Two themes have cropped up for me over the past few days, self accountability and time management. Both I believe are interconnected, or at least can me. I find my "to do list" increasing in length while the number of items I scratch off are fewer and fewer. I'm procrastinating and seemingly wasting time, or better put, focusing on things that are not addressing the items on my list. I'm doing something. I'm just not doing the "right" things. I'm not painting as much as I want to. I'm not arranging gallery exhibits as often as I like. I'm not doing the necessary admin work that any business naturally has. These are just a few examples.

I did some research. One suggestion was to make a weekly plan and assign myself someone to be accountable to. I didn't like that idea. It doesn't really solve the core issue of SELF accountability. It makes me accountable to someone else (like having a boss) but this person has no authority. There are still no repercussions for non action. I'm interested in setting a plan and following through with or without anyone one there looking over my shoulder. I haven't found the answer yet.

The other topic of time management which I feel lately has slipped from me has numerous gurus out there. People earn livings by assisting others with time management. The best suggestion I have heard lately is to stop the multitasking that we have all heard about and most attempt to do. Instead, become single taskers. The idea is to set a portion of time aside, say 1 hour. That hour is dedicated to one and only one task. That is the focus for that time period. No email, no phone calls, no Internet surfing, no online chat, no cleaning, nothing but focus on the task. Easier said than done. Even while writing I have caught myself checking email a few times. I can see however that but establishing focus time, I can work without distraction and move things forward. The trick I think is remaining without distractions.

When the time is up. Stop, take a small break, allow the distractions back in for a short time. I don't believe I can keep them at bay for the entire day. Then, set the clock, pick another task, and focus. I may view this as a game. How long can I focus? I suspect over time this will become habitual. As I recently heard, it isn't how many ideas I have nor projects I'm working on. It is what gets completed that actually yields results. For a given time period, select the priority and finish it. Do in this repeatedly and consistently will develop the self accountability I am looking for.

Don't Be Cool

This past week, I was playing with the idea of "Don’t be cool.
Cool is conservative fear dressed in black. Free yourself from limits of this sort." from Bruce Mau's "Incomplete Manifesto for Growth."

At first I didn't have much to say about this one. I interpreted it to mean be myself. Okay, seems easy enough but what does that really mean? Being cool is like being politically correct. I don't know if the Fonz would agree with me. I censor myself for the benefit of others due to fear or as a self defense mechanism. But what exactly am I protecting myself from by not being myself? Criticism, judgement, ridicule, praise, honor, recognition. These are all actions or attitudes others bestow upon me. These are energetic emotions, positive and negative coming my way originating from others.

Here's the tricky part. If I bestow these actions myself, for myself, on myself, I am the origin of the energy for my benefit. I take out the middle man. But being cool will keep me from doing this. Why? In some circles, it isn't cool to do your own thing. But, the energy I generate from doing my own thing is the very energy I need and use to propel me forward, to take risks, to create. Being the uncool self I am gives me strength to be more uncool. The more uncool, the more unique I am. The more unique I am, the more energetic and the original my creations, artistic or otherwise, become.

The funny part is that down deep, everyone is basically the same, uncool. Any yet admitting it and showing our uncool side is not as common as it could be. There are those we all know that are so uncool, they are actually cool. We admire them for their independence and individuality. I suppose my final assessment is I want to recognize when I am doing or saying something because that is truly was I want, feel or think versus doing something to attain a reaction from another.

This week I will examine "Ask stupid questions. Growth is fueled by desire and innocence. Assess the answer, not the question. Imagine learning throughout your life at the rate of an infant."

Now vs Ideals

This week I experienced a roller coaster of emotions which resulted in a roller coaster in activity and creativity levels. Emotionally, I was higher than high and a day a two, rather down and blue. As one would expect, my activity level was higher when I was in a good mood up to a point. When I was in a super good mood, my activity level nose dived even though my energy was high. I was unable to focus and concentrate on any one thing for a duration of time. Likewise, when I was down, my activity level was still good until I started to feel myself slip into a more sad state. Then again, my activity level crashed.

So during extreme states, activity was not present regardless of my level of energy. However, in these extreme states, my creativity soared. Idea after idea, image after image came to me. It was as if I could tap the "flow" easier when I was experiencing raw emotional states no matter what the emotion was. That was interesting but didn't really surprise me. The surprising part is the images and ideas I received were not reflective of my emotional state at the time. I didn't necessarily receive happy images when I was happy, nor sad images when I was sad. The ideas I had seemed to reflect my feelings toward something, not my mood in general. Fortunately, I was able to remember and be inspired by most of the ideas. I didn't lose many of them going about my day to day activities.

I was going to say that now my problem is having enough time to create the ideas that have/do come to me. That isn't completely true. I have more time than I utilize. My stumbling block is starting, and continuing to work on them. Starting in particular is the hard part. I have a fear that I won't be able to create or do justice to the idea. Instead of using the idea as a starting point, a source of inspiration, I often look up to the idea as the art itself. It isn't. It is only and idea. I compare my creations to the ideas in my head. And if my creation falls short, and is most likely would since the ideas are just that, ideas, I become critical and judgemental. I put myself down as well. And hence, I'm resistant to begin.

I have another fear before I begin. A completely irrational one. I might actually create what I am imagining or create something even better. Then what? I have to do it again, and then again. I put tons of pressure on myself on the final product before I even begin. These fears linked to beginning a project are real and yet useless. I'm focusing on what it can be, could be, should be, might be, instead of focusing on the moment and what it is. Once I catch myself "obsessing" on the future, an imaginary future at that, I can at times bring myself back. Once I do, my level of activity increases. I have to be vigilant. I drift off often and then have to bring myself back. The concept of suspending judgement I find is a good tool to indicate when I'm drifting. If I'm judging, I'm comparing.

The less I compare, the more I tend to live in the moment, albeit if only for seconds or minutes at a time. The more I'm in the moment, the more the ideas come even when my emotions are all over the board.

Slow Down

This past week, I was looking at thirteenth suggestion from Bruce Mau's "Incomplete Manifesto for Growth" which is "Slow down.
Desynchronize from standard time frames and surprising opportunities may present themselves."

I found desynchronizing from standard time frames difficult, another example of my corporate brainwashing influencing my thinking. But, what I was able to do and witness was very interesting. I have continued to wake up without an alarm. For the first month, I woke up at the same time give or take 10 minutes. But on those occasions when I woke up on the later side, I would panic a bit, tell myself I'm late and fly out of bed. The remainder of the morning I felt rushed and behind schedule. Why? I didn't miss an appointment and at the end of the day everything I wanted to accomplish (truly wanted to accomplish) was completed. So the sense of rushing just added to aggravation of the day, no to its level of productivity. This past week, I have been waking up nearly an hour later than last month. The more I contain my knee jerk reaction to rush around to "make up time", the more easy my day goes, the things I do, and the more I enjoy doing them, instead of resenting the chores on my to do list.

Another way I have been attempting to disconnect from standard time frames is noticing that I don't have to paint daily. Some days I push paintings forward, some days I don't. If I attempt to push them on days when I'm not "feeling it", those are the days where the paintings are lifeless and boring. When I feel it, the paintings are more bold, I take chances, I experiment and I allow the paintings to evolve naturally.

This takes me to my final observation on the subject (for now). Standard time frames, as they are called, are not of my creation. I did not decide what these standard time frames are nor did I have any input. Any yet, I felt that I was expected to comply, uphold, and work within the standard time frames. No. I think these are guides. I cannot say that standard time frames work for me or not. I haven't experimented enough with the concept but these are ideas thrust upon me. The expectations of others. The only expectation that I agree to adhere to is if I have arranged a meeting with others at a certain time. That is a time frame that all parties involved negotiated. Outside of that, time is mine when it comes to my stuff. Others may see me moving slowly, others quickly. Ultimately however, it is up to me to decide whether I am moving slowly or quickly and if that is okay for the moment.

Overall I have noticed that in the six months that I have been a full time artist, my daily schedule has slowly drifted later in the day. My day now starts a full 2-2.5 hours later than it use to. I'm also more productive, more creative and happier. As long a possible, I will allow schedules and time frames to continue to be fluid and morph as necessary. Especially now knowing that I accomplish more in a less structured environment.

This week I will look at "Don’t be cool. Cool is conservative fear dressed in black. Free yourself from limits of this sort."

Love, Sexuality and Creativity

Over the past few weeks, I noticed that the theme of love, sexuality and creativity has come up in conversation several times. The first time I just thought that it was an interesting collection of items that someone considered linked. But when it continued to present itself, I figured I should think about it some.

On the surface, I had a difficult time understanding how these three items were connected. Each seemingly can function on its own. And I think they can. But I also believe there is one element that is present in each, passion. Passion in the sense of an outburst of strong emotion or feeling. All three, love, sexuality and creativity are the result of some form of emotional outburst, an overflow, a extension beyond myself.

So what does it mean in practical terms that these things are somehow linked? I think the point is they are not practical, nor safe. These are the results of and the source of emotional outbursts. For love or sexuality or creativity to exist and continue to exist, continual emotional extensions are necessary. That is to say, they are all forms of sharing myself with others. With that, these items have another component in common, vulnerability. Any instance of exposing myself comes with it a sense of vulnerability, whether I'm accustomed to it or not. The result of expressing myself with the vulnerability is either love, sexuality or creativity, or possibly all three. So, I may be concerned how others may react to what I have to say (the vulnerability part) but I still have to say it (the extension part). Piece by piece, over time, by doing this, I think love, sexuality and creativity will grow and flourish allowing these items to survive independent of each other and supportive of each other.

I'm going to look for examples of this in my life and report back.

Chicago AIDS Walk/Run Donations

Donate Here

I will be participating in the 2008 AIDS Run & Walk Chicago. Please support my efforts by making a pledge or joining me to stomp out AIDS on Saturday, September 20, 2008 at this critical event in Grant Park. By making a pledge to me, you help support more than 150 Chicagoland organizations whose work is so critical in the fight against HIV/AIDS. You can also sign up to walk or run with me! Register Now!

Keep Moving

This past week I was playing with the idea "Keep moving. The market and its operations have a tendency to reinforce success. Resist it. Allow failure and migration to be part of your practice," from Bruce Mau's "Incomplete Manifesto for Growth." At first, I found it confusing. I didn't understand the idea of resisting reinforced success. I became clearer as the week progressed.

Several weeks ago I decided to set a goal for myself. I am working on a series of self portraits using my newly discovered resin techniques. The final series will consist of 12 images (I want to produce a calendar) so there is the possibility I may create more than 12 images depending on how many work and how many don't. The objective of the series is to examine and document how my technique, composition and theme of the images reflect how I see myself, my moods and feelings over time. I don't know what to expect except 12 amazing images.

I finished the first image. IT WAS AWFUL. I refuse to sign it so far in attempt to refuse ownership. I began the second image and it was progressing along the similar path as the first albeit a bit more aesthetically pleasing. And then it happened. I made a mistake. What do to, what to do. In keeping with the week's challenge, and many of the concepts addressed previously, I continued working. I chalked it up to a learning experience and perhaps I would get the third image right. More mistakes. The images was turning quickly into a bad direction. I stepped back and considered leaving it and beginning a new one. But, I decided I would continue and finish the piece like I finished the first one. I wanted to suspend judgement. I thought I had. I really didn't.

I was sitting on the floor looking at the image examining all the "flaws" when I began thinking of ways to cover the flaws or integrating the mistakes into the image. Then, the mistakes would no longer be mistakes, or at least that is how I rationalized it. I had nothing to lose. I didn't like the image as is so this would be an experiment of sorts. Instead of walking away, I continued to work the piece. I addressed one of the earlier mistakes. The "fix" integrated nicely and yielded a new look, one I had not considered previously. Feeling a bit more energized and positive, I address the new one. Again, I judged the result positive. Then the "flow" hit me and I was applying the "fix" to the entire image, reshaping it, redefining it. At a point, something inside me told me to stop and step back. When I returned a few hours later, I was pleasantly surprised with what I saw. The image had emotion. My emotion. It may not look like me but I was definitely represented.

If I had not continued working, I would have continued to do the same thing over and over again on future painting, which was not giving me what I wanted. However, when I accepted the mistakes and then worked with them, instead of letting them work against me, I got more than I had imagined. Not only was the image heading in a new and better direction, I was energized to move in a new and better direction as well.

This week I will look at "Slow down. Desynchronize from standard time frames and surprising opportunities may present themselves." Talk about challenging my corporate brainwashing...

Art Exhibit Opening

Last night I had a Opening Reception for a group show I was participating in. It doesn't seem to matter how many shows I have done in the past, I'm still excited, anxious and nervous at the same time. It is fun to see my work hanging on a wall other than mine own. There is a sense of validation that my art is "good enough" to be on display and sold. In addition, that is a part of me on the wall, sometimes a raw part of me. So I also feel rather vulnerable at the same time. I want people to like my work. I want people to buy it. If they do like it and buy it, I feel pressure, albeit self induced, to do create good art again. Or even better pieces. So exhibits can be a mixed bag of emotions.

I also noticed that the idea of developing a thick skin to handle the inevitable criticism is a balancing act. If my skin is thick so negative judgements bounce right off, I may not hear the opportunities to improve going forward. Some specific criticism is a good thing. But also, more importantly, the praise and positive support from others also will bounce off if my skin is too thick. There is an optimal skin thickness to let in the positive and keep out the negative. It is kind of like wearing sunscreen at the beach. I want to feel the sun, but I don't want to get burned. Sometimes it works, and sometimes I miss a spot when applying the sunscreen and end up with a red mark for a few days. Art exhibits are very similar. I checked this morning. No red spots, no bruises.

I also find myself comparing my work to that of other artists. This, although completely natural, is also a waste of time and energy. If an artist, any artist, is being true and honest to themselves and their craft, their work by definition will be unique. That is the point. A unique perspective, in approach, content and delivery. It is comparing apples to oranges. I now try to admire other people's work and not to compare.

Overall the opening went well. I had many, many people come out to support me. I also noticed many people off the streets stopping and discussing my art work. (I always keep an eye out for which works tend to capture people's attention.) I'm very happy with the way the evening turned out. And thank you to all those who supported me (present or not).

Now, on to the next show...

I Expect Everything

Grey day, grey mood, too many unrealistic expectations. This is how I started the day. I was recently brought to my attention that I have many expectations regarding things about which I have no control. This would include other people's behavior, likes and dislikes, or events that are have a high probablity of not occurring. All day today I have been struggling with the notion that I can acknowledge and occassionally change my expectations, and then go on. And by changing my expectations, possibly have more of them satisfied.

I have 40 years experience of placing expectations on others, without them knowing it, and then secretly being disappointed when the expectations go unfulfilled. Soon after resentment begins to build. I like the idea of the other approach. Modify my expectations to things I can control or influence, namely my behavior, and let everything else go. The first part I can see doing and I can see the benefits. It is similar to personal goal setting or a self pep talk. The second half however, letting everything else go, including the behavior of others seems completely foreign to me. I understand that it enough to know that it makes perfect sense, intellectually speaking. But from an emotional standpoint, I've never done it. I can't visualize what that would look like or feel. And hence my dilemma.

The one part that I think is fascinating is that if/when I can let go of placing expectations on others or things outside my control, I will, in theory, experience less disappointment and resentment. Focus inward, not outward. I totally get it. I will have to play with this. I don't know how to do it.

A Stream of Ideas

This past week (I start many of my blogs this way), I was focus on integrating "Harvest ideas. Edit applications. Ideas need a dynamic, fluid, generous environment to sustain life. Applications, on the other hand, benefit from critical rigor. Produce a high ratio of ideas to applications," from Bruce Mau's "Incomplete Manifesto for Growth." I found this to be an interesting exercise that I suspect and hope that I will continue going forward.

I interpreted this suggestion as a focus on unadulterated, unedited ideas. Allow the ideas to flow, whatever they may be and look for applications later. The result is cool. I initially had to "turn off" my editing or judgement filter when an idea randomly entered my mind AND I was aware of it. I'm sure that many other ideas came and went either do to not being aware I was given an idea or I was unaware that my filter was still actively working. Overtime however, I began to question "the filter." The filter was often based on old, untrue prejudices or notions and beliefs that I heard from someone else. The filter was also at times based in fear of change. But, more than anything, I became aware of "the filter."

Once I realized that when I received an idea and the voice in my head kicking in nearly instantaneously afterwards was actually my filter, I could ignore the filter. I couldn't turn it off, but I can acknowledge it and ignore it. Then I was left with the raw idea. I had/have many of them each day. I began to brainstorm and actively participate in free association whenever my mind wasn't otherwise occupied, even for a split second. It feels like I found a radio channel that continuously streams ideas and all I needed was tune my receiver to the correct frequency to catch them. It feels strange and natural at the same time. I am NOT use to this yet. I think there is much, much more here to explore.

So, while I notice the stream of ideas, I try to capture a few. I make a mental note or write them down. After a few days, I reviewed the ideas. I have many more ideas, good and practical ideas than I did before. And most of the ideas, as raw as they may be, need little or no adjustment to make them realistic, to make them real. Most of the adjustments were to focus the ideas on specific projects or desires that I have. I believe the raw ideas would probably work just fine.

My advice: notice "the filter", allow the ideas to flow, take note and review later. The ideas may be very quiet and come in unexpected times, but they are there for the picking.

This week I will review "Keep moving. The market and its operations have a tendency to reinforce success. Resist it. Allow failure and migration to be part of your practice."

Naysayers Beware

So, I have the great opportunity to have my work exhibited at two galleries in Chicago at the same time. This is a first for me. I am very excited about it. One show came so fast that I spent most of the week preparing and didn't have enough time to send out a press release or email announcement. Two shows, who could have imagined? I didn't. I love the idea. How cool!

But even with the attention that I am getting, the shows, the positive reactions to my new work, I am still taken back by those naysayers I run into. Trust me, I can find enough reasons on my own for why leaving a good paying corporate job to pursue art was a bad idea. I don't need any help there. But, I have managed to talk myself into believe that this is possible. I can go against the tide and live my dream life. And then I run into a naysayer. Those folks who have doubt in their voice along with the half ass words of encouragement. They are out there, everywhere, often in places where I least expect it.

It happened to me this afternoon. I ran into someone whom I thought would be supportive but was in reality a naysayer. I concluded today that there are a few ways I can handle the negativity I receive from this people. One way is I can take it to heart, agree with them, doubt what I am doing and attempting to do, give up and return to the rat race. (Hint: It is called a rat race for a reason. Does it sound good to you?) Another way is to feel sorry for them. I can imagine them scared and/or jealous individuals looking to take down others around them. I prefer, however, to take their comments of doom and gloom, of failure and disappointment, and leverage it to push me forward. Everyone thought Columbus was crazy. No one believed in the Wright Brothers. Men on the Moon? Impossible. (Impossible is Nothing, by the way) Honestly, why would I listen to anyone who tells me I can't do something. They don't know what I can or can't do. And if I'm completely honest, although I may know what I have done, I don't know what I am capable of doing either. But I have a better chance of realizing it than they do. Or put another way, instead of someone else defining what kind of life I will lead, I will do the defining. I will do the exploring and experimenting. And whatever I do, I realize I can do more that I ever thought possible.

Maybe it is a little rebellious but frankly I don't care. When someone tells me I can't do something that I want to do without any reason or basis in fact, I will try to prove them wrong. So, am I a successful artist already? I think so. I create art. I have enough to eat and a nice place to live. And, most importantly, I'm happy. Thank you for the push this afternoon.

Taking a Chance

On a lark, I sent an email late last week to a gallery I knew. I hadn't shown my stuff there before mainly because I hadn't tried to. I didn't believe my work was of the caliber that is normally shown there. But last week I was on a roll sending out submissions for agents and art consultants and I received and email from the gallery announcing their new location. So, since I was in the moment, I sent a simple email, almost timid, asking if they may possibly be interested in reviewing my work for possible inclusion in a group show in the future. I was expecting not to hear or receive the typical cold and demeaning negative response that I have received very often in the past.

I received a phone call the very next day.

They reviewed my portfolio on my web site and liked several of my pieces. They asked me to come in, look at the new space and bring a few pieces for them to look at. I approached it as an interview. I was excited, nervous and grateful for the opportunity. I also began questioning myself. Who did I think I was attempting to pull off two exhibitions in one month? My answer was, I don't know but I won't sell if no one never sees my work. Plus I didn't have the show yet. In addition, I was prepared to receive criticism from the artist who owned the gallery. He knew and worked with one of the most known artist of the 20th century. I tried to stay positive and took three recent pieces that I was proud of.

I was greeted warmly at the door and the artist and the curator remembered me from a brief meeting years ago. Their curiosity got to them and they had to look at my work. They liked it. All of it. I showed them my portfolio book and they liked all by one series. Incredible! I started feeling more comfortable and began discussing some of my apprehensions about exhibiting in general. All were brushed aside. They genuinely liked my work. I was is shock. It was in the moment I realized that my lack in confidence in myself because I wasn't "properly schooled" in art was holding me back. I may not know terms or jargon, but I can create art that at a minimum catch a person's eye and at most make an impact. I think that is a good range for me to exist in.

The moral of the story, I am the limiting factor to achieving what I want. The world doesn't have it out for me. People are not throwing up roadblocks. If I do what I want to do, in my case create art, and do it honestly and with all my heart, and then work hard to show the world what I have done, people will take notice. Not all people, but enough.

It has been a stressful week, an exciting week, with lots of running around, scheduling and balancing. I thrive on this energy. The stakes just got higher this week thanks to the mere fact I took a small chance. I received in return a big payback.

Oh, by the way, I'm in the show. It starts in two days. My work is in two exhibits in September. I'm very proud (and a bit stunned).

Everyone is a Leader

This past week, I was focused on "Everyone is a leader. Growth happens. Whenever it does, allow it to emerge. Learn to follow when it makes sense. Let anyone lead." from the Incomplete Manifesto for Growth by Bruce Mau.

I agree with this idea and support it wholeheartedly, even if I don't do it myself. I did not have an opportunity to experience this in a creative capacity directly this week. I did try to follow others as well as lead in other areas of my life. I think the impact is just as great. I noticed, however, that there are two types of people. One group leads when needed or when given the opportunity. They enjoy leading and are comfortable in the role. Others, not so much.

This second group, the let-me-follow group I find interesting. For whatever reason, members of this group would prefer nothing to occur and allow the group to dissipate than step forward and lead. I conducted a few experiments with groups of people where I normally take the lead. I quietly stepped aside. No one stepped forward. So I continueed and kept my mouth shut and remained action less. No one stepped forward. No ideas were offered. The looming resulting was separation of the group and, although that was not the desired outcome, the group was racing to the inevitable state. I finally made a few suggestions which were well received and then I decided which of the suggestions we would do. Of course, thanks to my years in corporate America, I made it looked like a group decision but the decision was mine. I'm not comfortable being seen in the role of dictator although I feel I play the role often.

The group I was with are accomplished people that I suspect, in their element, can take charge. For some, I do believe that allowing others step ahead is a combination of things, everything from fear, insecurity, passive aggressive behavior, indecisiveness, apathy and many others. All of these we all suffer from at times so this should be of no surprise. Ironically, it is when you step out of your comfort zone and take the risk when creativity and changes occur. I long for the day when I can witness someone from the let-me-follow group take a stand and lead. I suspect that I am in for a treat, a direction that I would not have come up with myself. We are all leaders. We are all followers. Influence comes from all directions. Influence and allow yourself to be influenced. That means, lead and follow. There is room for both.

Maybe someday, American politicians will follow this notion.

This week I will be exploring the concept of "Harvest ideas. Edit applications. Ideas need a dynamic, fluid, generous environment to sustain life. Applications, on the other hand, benefit from critical rigor. Produce a high ratio of ideas to applications."

Oh, by the way, Impossible is Nothing.

Begin Anywhere

This past week, the suggestion from Bruce Mau's "Incomplete Manifesto for Growth" was "Begin anywhere. John Cage tells us that not knowing where to begin is a common form of paralysis. His advice: begin anywhere." This sounds much easier that it was.

When I consulted, we had a phrase "paralysis by analysis" referring to projects and managers that need more and more information before a decision can be made. I see "begin anywhere" as very similar. I can think about starting. I can think about doing. I can even think about the end state or goal. But all that time, I'm only thinking. I'm not doing. I'm not moving. I strongly believe that moving, however fast or slow, no matter the direction is ultimately better and more productive than thinking, planning, and analyzing. With movement comes momentum.

The other aspect that occurred to me is that since everything is a process (I've talked about that before) and the focus is on the process not the goal (also discussed previously), the process is already in progress, even if we haven't jumped in yet. To put it another way, just start. There is no beginning or starting point. There is no goal or finish line. Those are artificial ideas we dream up. It is sort of like running to catch a moving train. I'm here and the train is approaching. Where is the starting point? Where I am? Where the train originated? Do I need to go to where the train started and wait for the next train? No. Start running and jump on when the meets up with you. So the next inevitable question is, where is the train going? Where do I jump off? My question in response, does it matter? I'm moving. I'm doing. I can jump on and off at my pleasure. And just because I jump off does not mean I'm at the end.

So the moral of the story, as Nike so nicely put it, Just do it. Go. Start today. Move. Make something happen. Watch how things, especially you, will change as a result.

This week I will be investigating "Everyone is a leader. Growth happens. Whenever it does, allow it to emerge. Learn to follow when it makes sense. Let anyone lead."

Wandering Aimlessly Is Encouraged

This past week's assignment from Bruce Mau's "Incomplete Manifesto for Growth" focused on drifting. It reads, "Drift. Allow yourself to wander aimlessly. Explore adjacencies. Lack judgment. Postpone criticism." It sounds much easier than it is. In fact, this may have been the most challenging for me to date.

I'm not sure where the challenge for me originates but two of the concepts in particular, namely "wander aimlessly" and "postpone criticism" were the hardest. I understand completely that in order to wander aimlessly, criticism needs to be suspended. Otherwise, I could not wander. The idea of suspending judgement and criticism has appear before in the Manifesto but this time is the coupling with wandering, or as I interpreted it, exploring, presented the hurdle.

It feels like this is the next step is reducing or de-emphasizing judgement. Before, the idea was do what you do and don't judge it until the end. Then, don't judge it at all, just do what you do. Now it has evolved to do something new that isn't what you do just for the sake of doing something new that isn't what you normally would do. And do it randomly, without looking for a benefit. Doing something new, something random is its own benefit. Intellectually, I completely understand. Emotionally however, is a different story.

I saw myself questioning the validity of doing the new, aimless adventure. I was analyzing what I could get out of it. I was judging it while I was doing it. I will keep practicing trying to wander aimlessly. I can see the purpose, which are many: exposure to new things or processes; discover hidden treasures in the world, others and myself; break from convention; discover my true passions; discover my true dislikes; and the potential to flip my life upside down. I think it all goes back to doing is its own merit and reward. The question is, how do I forgo judging and criticizing. I will have to get back to you on that. Right now, I don't know. Overall, I like the idea of temporarily getting off the path and seeing what lie just over the hill. Maybe something shiny.

This week's suggestion appears to be linked to last week, "Begin anywhere. John Cage tells us that not knowing where to begin is a common form of paralysis. His advice: begin anywhere."

What Is My Style?

I've been working on several paintings for the past several weeks. Some days I work on them, some I don't. Today, I returned to two of them, both are very different is styles but similar in theme. Both are part of a series of self portraits but I am also challenging the traditional notion of a self portrait at the same time. It was by releasing myself from the traditional definition that I was able to begin the series. Prior to that, I was frozen and unable to move.

I also noticed that in doing self portraits, I am creating snapshots of how I feel and how I see myself at any given time. It has forced be to be introspective and on occasion, I don't want to be. On those days, I am unable to work on the self portraits. Beside having to examine and face my emotional and physical self, I am also trying to find my style at the same time. This is something I have written about before, the elusive personal style.

I have had the opportunity during the past month to see works of artists that, for whatever reason, captured my attention. I began to notice similarities in their styles and color palettes. There is something about the similarities that draws me but I haven't figured out why as of yet. I have an urge or desire to follow their lead and build off of what I find enticing. But I'm not sure where to begin, technically speaking. So, for the time being, I will continue to admire and ponder these artists, Robert Carbonell being one, and wait for the muse to tap my should and tell me it is time to begin.

In the meantime, I will continue to work on my portraits, playing, experimenting and reflecting and watch my style change over time. I get frustrated at times not having one signature style but on the other hand, right now I have several styles. My wish is that one of the styles that I enjoy to create begins to mature and evolve to a higher level of expression.

Impossible is Nothing

My good friend Nancy is in China for the Olympics which start later this week. Fortunately, I am on her email list reporting back on her Chinese adventures. She mentioned in today's email a number of billboards for Adidas in Shanghai with the phrase "Impossible is Nothing." I had to look it up. (How did we live without Google?)

I really like this idea, reversing the common phrase of nothing is impossible. The new order, to me, gives a sense of importance and possibility to attempting the unthinkable. I get the feeling that all is trivial, mind over matter. If I don't mind, it doesn't matter. I'm sure I can throw a few more cliches out there but the idea is pretty clear.

It is a shame however that we, as a public, get our best inspiration for personal or group achievement from marketing companies working to promote sporting goods. I would hope that this type of motivation would come from the social institutions that I would historically look to for guidance, namely, governments & politicians, churches and religious leaders and even in some cases, upper management of the companies we work for. And yet, I haven't seen it. Those organizations that claim to be leaders or want to lead don't do so. Yes, I admit I am burned out from the seemingly endless US presidential election (the process is TOO long) with mind numbing catch phrases that have no or little substance. Change, please. Every 4 years I hear change. How about "Impossible is nothing?" Or "Make Love, Not War." Or "Just Do It." Where is the rally cry?

Say what you want about marketing companies but a few have figured out how to motivate people to push forward. If only our political and religious leaders could do the same. Imagine what kind of world we would have if our leaders actually led. That may be impossible but then again, impossible is nothing.

Study in the Studio

This past week I was trying to incorporate "Study. A studio is a place of study. Use the necessity of production as an excuse to study. Everyone will benefit," another suggestion from Bruce Mau's "Incomplete Manifesto for Growth." At first, and for most of the week, I had no idea what this was about, what it meant, what it was leading to or how to apply it. That all changed this morning.

This morning during my daily painting time (I set aside several hours everyday to paint regardless of what else is going on that day) I was trying to determine what I was going to work on and how to approach it. Over the past several weeks, mainly due to several fortuitous accidents, I have developed another process yielding a twist in my style. But the process is still immature but is still showing a lot of potential. That being said, I wanted to try the process again with a few minor changes and see what would happen. More experimentation.

That's when it hit me. With each experiment I conducted, I was looking for the similarities and differences between the previous works and the current one using the same or similar process. I was "studying" the results, that is to say, I was noting how changing the process affected the final work. I was hung up on my definition of studying from school which was nothing more the repitition and memorization. Studying is more. It is exploration, examination, experimentation, documentation and playing.

Like many of the previous suggestions from the "Incomplete Manifesto" I explored, I think there is a necessity to suspend current prejudice and eliminate (or at least reduce) the my propensity to focus on the final outcome. If I look to the end, I miss the differences and the similarities. I am unable to study. It makes me question my education where I spent my time cramming just to receive a good grade. Learning was not part of studying past. Achievement was. Achievement is not studying.

As a result of this morning, I have started a notebook where I am documenting my observations of working with resin. It reminds me of my lab book in graduate school. In fact, now I see my studio as a laboratory, not a place of production.

The other benefit that I notice is that again, this helps pull me back into living the moment and not focus on the future. I'm beginning to see the pattern in the "Incomplete Manifesto." I'll have to study it further.

This week, I will be examining the next suggestion which is "Drift. Allow yourself to wander aimlessly. Explore adjacencies. Lack judgment. Postpone criticism."

73 Things To Do

My neighbor across the alley had a party on their patio last night until 2am. One of the women had one of those voices that can be heard across town even when she uses her "indoor voice." That is to say, they were loud. I'm sluggish and tired today as a result. I need my 7.5-8 hours of sleep a night. Given how slow I'm working it may be beneficial for me to take a nap and then get back to work. I use to do it when I worked a corporate job. Well, I napped with my eyes open so it isn't quite like sleeping, more like suspended animation.

I didn't paint today. I've been doing a lot of odds and ends that just never seem to get done. Not a whole lot of enjoyment or satisfaction except now they are done and I can start a new pile of things I prefer not to do. I have a busy weekend coming up followed by a busy week. When I had the office job, I often thought that I would have more free time when I was an artist full time. I grossly underestimated all the little things that go along with trying to get exposure and show my work. I'm still stumbling to put efficient processes in place so they no longer feel like chores. I'm still thinking some sort of schedule or dedicated time will work. I just have to follow the schedule I set to do all those things I prefer not to, or find someone to do them for me.

All of this brings me to self accountability. It isn't as easy as it looks on TV. There are distractions and personal desires, procrastinations and other things that can easily bump me off course in spite of me good intentions when I wake up. In fact, every morning, I am sure that today is the day that I do this and that and the other with nearly military precision. Not so much. With morning email comes a game or two on Facebook. The load of laundry starts up and so do the dishes. If I didn't shower after my run , I better take care of that and before I realize it, it is lunch time. When I had an office job, I was amazed by how long the day was. Now I'm amazed by how short it is.

So as not to beat myself up for not being a robot working away everyday, I have the goal of accomplishing one thing on my to-do-list. It doesn't sound like much but believe me, one painting a day translates to 5 a week, 20 a month. That type of production is great. Or perhaps the goal is to update the website, or the store, contact a few artist representatives or whatever. The point is it all doesn't have to be done today. Some today, some tomorrow, some the day after that. I think this goes back to something I've written about before, the process. I want to enjoy the process of building a small business. I don't want to miss it by working myself into the ground. Besides, if I finish 10 things today, I know there will be 10 new things tomorrow to do. It never ends. The goal is never reached. The goal will change while I sleep tonight and always be just out of reach. I'm okay with coming close to the goal, or at least for know I am. Perhaps I'll think differently come winter and I'm house bound.

How Much Does It Cost? Part II

On this very warm day in Chicago, I decided I had to get out of the house. I completed a painting today and realized that administrative tasks had been piling up. So I grabbed my laptop and now I'm working in a cafe in the Andersonville neighborhood, one of my favorite parts of town.

All of this is of course procrastination of the real task at hand today, pricing the work from my latest series. I've been avoiding it. In the past at least, I priced paintings without commitment. That is to say, the prices changed. Hard to run a business or sell when then prices are a moving target. In addition, I have heard from a number of different sources that my past pricing is too low for the quality of work I'm producing. And this takes me back to something I have written about before, art versus product.

I was thinking that my art needs to be priced to sell, what the market will support. This is Econ 101. It also assumes that my art is a product, not a commodity. As a commodity, everything changes. What is the price that I am willing to let go of an original is now the question. In fact, a good friend suggested that I price my work "as if I didn't need the money." That is quite a concept given the fear of becoming the stereotypical starving artist. Ironically, I'm not starving and there is no sign of that in sight so the fear is completely unfounded. I think my friend's advice has merit. A lot of merit.

The other thing that was pointed out to me, which I think is a common trap for emerging artists, is pricing based on size. This is one of the cases where "sizes doesn't matter." (I'm referring to art work size.) What matters is the plethora of variables such as the complexity, the amount of work it took, the quality of technical execution, the quality of the emotional impact, the message, etc. Few of these are "product" orientated. These are visceral. This is why art is a commodity.

Since I create without worrying about selling (most of the time) but focus on expressing myself honestly and in an individualistic manner (I try to at least), the pricing should follow suit. The pricing should be based on how well I expressed myself. Just as when I speak, I don't know if anyone will listen, the same is true for my art. Just because I painted doesn't mean anyone is going to "buy" it. But I believe people like honest dialogue. Selling comes back to honest expression, just as creating. This has been a difficult concept for my to digest. I am amazed by the influence the culture of commercialism has had on me. For a successful pricing scheme, I feel the need to step outside of that influence and determine the price of my expression, not of the art product.

Basically, if you want a piece of me, i.e. my expression, it is going to cost you this day forward. ;-)